I was 26. I was expecting my 2nd child. I was miserable. I don't speak of that year too often. My grandpa died in January, I was due in November. It was the blessing the family needed. Everyone was distraught. Especially my father. He blames himself for my grandpa dying. No way for him to know, or have helped. Well I don't think so. I had wanted another child. Wanted a girl, a pretty princess to dress up. This is the part I never mention. I didn't intend to get pregnant, but after all we had been married 6 years. I had mixed feelings when I found out. I was happy but I knew he would make me feel like crap. And when I told him, he cried. And they weren't happy tears. He made me fell like shit. He started treating me worse. I didn't want to tell anyone I was even having a baby. I feared he wanted me to give it away or have an abortion. That was how he treated me anyway. For nearly 9 months I felt resentment. I didn't even share with friends I was expecting, for months, or until I was showing. Even my boss I didn't tell for a good couple months. I think I was depressed. Is there a pre-pardum depression? I can't even remember all the things he said to me. They were awful. He never went to one appointment, or ultrasound. Never asked how I was. Never anything. Why did I put up with that?
She was born November 17, 1999 at 3:30 pm. 7.2 lbs. The smallest of all my babies. She was pink and beautiful. I swore to her I was never doing that again, that painful labor thing. (I was wrong however.) We spent the rest of the day bonding and the next day as well. The nurses thought it was odd because by noon they told me I could leave. I told them my spouse was at work and couldn't (didn't want to) leave to come get me. (Found out later he could have.) But I waited patently. It all seems like a blur but not one that long ago. It makes me sad that time flies so fast.
Now she is a smart beautiful young lady. She's kind and giving. She is like me but she is not like me either. I have tried her whole life to correct one flaw of mine I didn't want her to inherit. I have made her self confident. I have given her the strength to stand up for herself and not just do what she thinks other people want. She shows this strength and if there was one thing I gave her that I am most proud of, its living in a positive environment where someone isn't putting you down and making you feel like crap because there life isn't going how they want. She is the best daughter a mom could ever hope for. I am so very proud of her. Happy 11th birthday Kaitlyn Cecilia.
