Failing...

Well not in my class, yet. I just might if I can't finish my work though. Graydon had never been to preschool, daycare or anything like it until February this year. I figured he would do well playing with his "fwends" and he did at first. But I think hes lost, too many kids. Even though its just 4-5 hours spent there. He started acting out and throwing things, or at least them mentioned it. I blew it off because hes not normally like that. I figured he was copying other kids. Graydon is very much into copying others. He is behind on his development in speech and motor skills but they have always said his cognitive level is on time. He thinks, figures things out, just cant communicate it with people who are not used to how he speaks.

So now hes is throwing things, just at daycare, on a consistent basis. Not sure what to do because hes not at all like this at home or anywhere else we go for that matter. He usually is trying to hug and kiss the girls he meets at appointments or in random public settings. Its so frustrating because the daycare had stripped him of his comfort items. The wouldnt allow him his blakey and binkie. Though I brought them daily in his bag. They finally relented on the blankey but only for nap time. What do I do? I have never had a problem with this. I would really love the feedback from others if possible. I plan to talk to his speech therapist today and her supervisor to see what they think. Help! I feel like I am failing as a mom.

Overwhelmed...again

The new quarter started Monday and I am already stressing over how I will get my homework done. Judicial law, partnerships, and those are separate classes. I am worried about how I will get things done, if we will be ok financially with me only working part time. I have been looking for work on the side but there really isn't much out there. Luckily we have little debt but I was hoping to get a newer car this spring, now that may be on hold...I also wanted us to take a vacation but that may be on hold too, unless I can come up with a really inexpensive way to vacation. Maybe a trip to the beach with the kids...but then there is the car issue and I hate to put more miles on my already worn out car. Ford's can have over 200,000 miles on them believe it or not. Just not sure how much past 200k it will go! I guess as long as the kids are fed and the bills are paid we shouldn't worry. My poor man is stuck traveling all over the county at work. He is such a trooper. Many appointments coming up the next couple months too. So if I did find a full time gig, and tried to fit in my classes, not sure how that would fall into place. I am thinking ebay? I have stuff, lots of stuff...maybe stuff that is worth some stuff? But again time? Time to fit in the listing and shipping and all that jazz. A few bucks? Might be worth a shot. (Almost typed shit) must mean I am tired. Could be the cough medicine. Did I mention that G and I have been sick since he started daycare on Feb 1? Well maybe we really got sick Feb 3. But yes both coughing, hacking, and with ear infections. His wont go away and now we will be adding ENT to his list of doctors he has seen. Ah well...just glad we have good doctors to go to.

Not sure what else to type. Life is hectic and busy and overwhelming but its better than the alternative right?

Graydon at 2 yrs 4 mos Drumming

Look out Metallica, Lars might need to be replaced!

I noticed I hadn't posted any of G's vids on here, or at least I cannot find them.

There are more on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/user/leesuhjo
and
http://www.youtube.com/user/ProdDeity

Wow...I am Amazed!

Thanks to Teresa Strasser I have a ton of extra traffic! Please feel free to leave me a comment or message. Always looking to connect with other people. Also, check out my best friend from childhood's blog she contributes too. http://anonymousbloggers.wordpress.com/

Interesting reading of the struggles of Alaskans.

Thank you for checking out my little blog!

Much love,
lisa

Like Watching a Train Wreck...

I noticed watching people that are miserable with their lives tends to make you appreciate yours more. To be that unhappy all the time, its almost like watching a train wreck or reality TV.

I listen to podcasts to get through my week of silence at work. I love that our office is quiet and there is no drama and everyone likes each other but when Adam Carolla went off the air, I am so thankful for his podcasts. There is a new one in which his wife Lynette and Teresa Strasser do a mommycast called the parent experiment. (Download here) These chicks rock! These women make me seem like I am sitting there with them. And I love that they never judge choices of others. I may have a few more mommy years on them and sometimes I would like to just say, Nah don't worry or stress about "fill in the blank". When your kid is 16 like mine, him and his friends do not talk about who was breast fed and who wasn't. So it may seem that it matters when they are under 5, pretty soon the last thing they want to know about is whether they drank from their moms tata. This is a subject I don't buy into so much. I know its great to BF and all the benefits BUT I hate they make moms that don't feel like the equivalent to Cortney Love. I had issues with said son trying to breast feed. I was 20 and everyone kept forcing me to "try". All I did was cry for 2 days. It was horrible. I hurt, I had no help. When my son spit up blood from my nipples I was done. He was colicky while being breast fed so there was no way he wasn't going to be colicky either way. This experience led me to just say no to the boob. When my daughter was born (she was born with hickeys and water blisters on her wrists from sucking herself) I had developed the strength enough in my mothering to tell the forceful nurses no. My daughter has never had an ounce of boob juice. You know where she is today? Shes in a highly capable class in a public school learning advanced math and other subjects. Could breast milk have made her smarter? Not likely. My older kids have rarely had more than a cold or minor stomach bug. I can probably count on my hands how many times my teen has been sick throughout his life. Same with my daughter. I am blessed.

Schooling? My daughter is doing math I can barely do and shes in the 4th/5th grade. My son is taking honors classes and maybe, just maybe I can help him in his English homework but to home school these kids I would need some sort of masters degree in math and sciences. Thankfully early on I was able to admit to myself, I am a good mom but a horrible teacher. They are doing super well in the education department. I do attribute this to a good daycare that they both went to kindergarten in. This gave them both a big jump when starting first grade in public school. They both have good social skills, they care about their family and friends. I would include my little one in this because hes also super smart for a 2 year old, but hes still learning. His milestones might be delayed but that is a muscle issue hes had since birth. And he had this before ever getting any kind of vaccine, so lets not go all Jenny McCarthy now. I do think it could be a result of some medicines given to me in PTL BUT it wasn't because of Tylenol or even vicoden. But the kid can work an iPhone better than most adults and can play the drums like no other 2 year old can! Though I would love to put my kids in a safe bubble I know I need to let them learn to express their likes and dislikes, find their own personality. Deal with mean people. We have to let go a little to let them find their way. We can do that and still protect them and discipline them. Its very hard the first time your kid comes home and says someone was mean to them. I have advice for that but I will get into that another time. Its a fine line between: bubble and individual freedom.

So as I end this I urge you all to look around you and not feel competitive to other moms, or judgmental, but instead just do what you know best to be the best mom for your family and kids. Be happy. A happy mom = happy kids and I don't need a masters degree in education to know that one!

Me? Who is that?

Its so hard to explain to people that do not have kids how as a mom you must sacrifice everything to give to others. Most of the time this does not stop with our own kids but spills out to everyone else. I always feel I must take care of everyone. Do what is best for someone else rather than take care of myself. But sometimes we need a wake up call to realize that maybe the stress of others demands takes a toll on your health.

I recently started having some minor female issues. Well, the last year. I guess there isn't anything major wrong with me...yet. But it was brought to my attention I am wavering on the borderline of diabetes. This is not a real shock to me. It runs rampant in my family. My grandfather had it, probably his parents as well. My mother has had it, as well as her siblings. My cousin has it. But I can fight it. Do I have the will and drive too? I have cut out a lot of sugar since finding this out. I think twice before having something sugary. I eat more fruit and veggies. Less carbs.

As the new year, well the last few new years, started I vowed to get healthy. I seem to always fail at this. Something more gets added to my plate. I love my family and taking care of them is my drive and focus in life. But I need to be healthy for them, so I can continue taking care of them. Of course other than a few dietary habits I haven't exercised except maybe once. I haven't been more active at all. Its very frustrating because I wear myself out and have no energy, I have no time.

Between 3 children, work, school and the man I love there isn't much daylight left to exercise. And when it looks like I might have a little time I feel guilty for not folding the laundry, or putting away dishes, or playing hot wheels with my toddler, or taking my 16 year old out to practice driving, or teaching my 10 year old daughter to sew or play a game with her. I feel like life is rushing by me and I can give them a good life or take care of me. I am not sure how to do both. Maybe people might think I am overweight because I am lazy. It's not really the case. I wish I had more time in the day, or more energy to feel motivated to get on the treadmill.

I see celebrities on TV and wherever else they are talking about how they are in the best shape ever. I really think it doesn't represent the real woman. I don't have assistants or personal trainers, or nannys. I cook dinners, help with homework, run errands, nurse kids back to health, work, take online classes so I can get a better job one day to pay for their college. I guess I am just frustrated with life and the lack of time and energy. Not anyone's fault...just my own. But I don't really regret it because I love my family more than anything. Just maybe one day I can find a way to manage time, or create an extra day in the week to do it all.

Just another day as supermom.

My Essay

Who am I? This is something I question quite often. I am Lisa J. Clark, parent, sibling, daughter, friend, employee, student, nurse, taxi, ATM, short order cook, mediator and probably a multitude of other things that could take up most of this page. To put it more simply I am just another human on this planet trying to make the right choices in life to take care of my family and keep living another day. That is the goal, correct?

I live in unincorporated King County in a home with my family. It’s not exactly the city, but according to my zip code I live in Renton. I haven’t always lived in Renton. About 6 years ago, I felt my life needed a change of direction. I needed a new path, the one I was on had come to an intersection to go right or left. I chose left, or westward and it was very empowering for me. I had never felt more in control of my own destiny than at that point in my life. I had always done what was expected of me. For once I did something for myself. I felt it was for the betterment of everyone, at least the ones I cared about. I have no regrets in my decision.

As the story goes, I grew up in a small town in the Yakima Valley. I went to school in Naches, but I lived in Gleed, a small town 7 miles east of Naches. That is where I spent my childhood and teen years. I stayed in the same area until 2003 when I packed up to move out west shortly after ending a 10-year marriage. I spend most of my time being a parent. Up until a year ago my world consisted of working full-time and raising my 3 kids with my current spouse.

February of 2008 my boss asked me to take over the bookkeeping duties in addition to marketing to help cut costs during the bad economy. He told me that he thought it was something I would be good at even though I didn’t have any real experience. Sadly, my boss suddenly died almost a year ago and the company more or less spiraled down. During the initial decline of the company and cuts in hours, I decided to take courses to learn more in the field my boss had encouraged me to try. I currently work part-time for another small company doing about the same job duties I was doing before and taking classes to get a degree in accounting. I chose GRCC based on the programs and proximity to my home. So far I enjoy my classes immensely and have learned a lot during the time I have been attending. I hope to finish and graduate by 2012, which is also the year my son will graduate from high school. I hope this helps me secure a better career that will give me the opportunity to pay for my children’s college educations. I also hope this will provide opportunities to travel and see places in the world I have only dreamed of visiting.

I have never really had the chance to develop or expand on any personal hobbies. I spend most of my time each day taking care of others and trying to get what needs to be done finished each day and I have neglected my own personal time. I have always had the attitude that as long as I am doing something to help my family, that is the only personal interest or hobby I need. It is my responsibility and duty as a parent. This is my story.