I stole this from a post on Facebook and modified it a little bit.
I am the child that looks healthy and fine,I was born with ten fingers and ten toes and a cute button nose! But something is different with me,and nobody really knows what this could be, and it isn't always easy for people to see. I am the child who struggles with words when I talk, who sometimes gets out of breath and in pain when I walk. (and then I begin to cough)
I'm not lazy, I'd do more if I could and I try with all my might to be like everyone else! I am the child who dreads sudden noise,it hurts my ears....making me cry and along come the tears.
I am not having tantrums but my stomach hurts really bad, that makes my family really really sad.
I am the child who tantrums and freaks,over things that seem petty and trite,lost in my own anger and fright. Perhaps there's a reason I'm made this way...some message I'm sent to share...For I am a child who needs to be loved and not misunderstood.I am different...but I just look like you.
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All children have special needs, some are just different than others.
Labels are for underwear, not for children.
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Monday, October 3, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
New Doctor, Same Issue
We found a new specialist and of course jumped through all the hoops to get the referral and make a new appointment. Of course weeks in advance we asked for records to be sent to the new facility so that the specialist can take a look and we won't have to repeat 4 years of medical history by memory in 10-20 minutes. Then ironically while we were speaking with the specialist the other hospital called to ask questions on where to send the referred information...really? Ugh! Thankfully they faxed a good portion, just as we were leaving. Not that it helped now but hopefully at his follow up appointment it will.
She took another x-ray of his abdomen to check to see if he had any constipation still. We figured maybe a little but since he takes medicine daily he should be fairly good. Well, I was wrong.
He has 5.5 cm of poo lodged in his rectum. It was all I could do not to cry. She decided that we needed to do an enema ASAP (at home) and gave us more instructions, and medicine lists to give him in the next few weeks so we can follow up with her in a month to see if hes any more "cleaned out".
The enema, milk and molasses. Not just for cookies. It scared me to do this but we did it. Thanks to wonderful daddy support. I could not have done that on my own. I swear this kid will need therapy one day. "When I was 4 I remember my parent's holding me down and shoving something warm and sticky up my bum that smelled like cookies." So wrong. Picking up more meds soon and hopefully he will not turn into a runny mess of poo in the next few weeks, but then again better than a stuffinyourrectum mess of poo that he has been suffering with for well, his whole life. No thanks to the many doctors at VMC that refused to listen to us, and finally one at the ER that did. Anyhow, he was rewarded with some KFC and a cheese stick. We promised to play rock band with him tonight as well. Poor kid, but it could be worse right?
She took another x-ray of his abdomen to check to see if he had any constipation still. We figured maybe a little but since he takes medicine daily he should be fairly good. Well, I was wrong.
He has 5.5 cm of poo lodged in his rectum. It was all I could do not to cry. She decided that we needed to do an enema ASAP (at home) and gave us more instructions, and medicine lists to give him in the next few weeks so we can follow up with her in a month to see if hes any more "cleaned out".
The enema, milk and molasses. Not just for cookies. It scared me to do this but we did it. Thanks to wonderful daddy support. I could not have done that on my own. I swear this kid will need therapy one day. "When I was 4 I remember my parent's holding me down and shoving something warm and sticky up my bum that smelled like cookies." So wrong. Picking up more meds soon and hopefully he will not turn into a runny mess of poo in the next few weeks, but then again better than a stuffinyourrectum mess of poo that he has been suffering with for well, his whole life. No thanks to the many doctors at VMC that refused to listen to us, and finally one at the ER that did. Anyhow, he was rewarded with some KFC and a cheese stick. We promised to play rock band with him tonight as well. Poor kid, but it could be worse right?
Monday, September 19, 2011
Love this! but a thought...
I read this article by Stefanie Wilder Taylor regarding her daughter. Its a great article, but my thoughts are what if this was a boy instead of a girl? I don't think parents would be as apt to let their young 3 year old wear a tutu or some sparkly Sketchers. Not saying this is right or wrong but it is something to think about.
http://blogs.babble.com/babble-voices/stefanie-wilder-tayler-baby-on-bored-electric-boogaloo/2011/09/19/my-shopping-spree-with-chaz-bono/
http://blogs.babble.com/babble-voices/stefanie-wilder-tayler-baby-on-bored-electric-boogaloo/2011/09/19/my-shopping-spree-with-chaz-bono/
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Research Study
When we discovered Graydon had a flat head, misshaped in a big way we started seeing specialists. I know I have mentioned it before but he was fitted for a helmet when he was 6 months old. He was to wear it for 4-6 months 23 hours a day. At our initial visit at Seattle Children's Hospital when our baby was just 3 months old the ARNP we saw said he had plagiocephaly and brachiocephaly. She initially thought he had torticollis and referred us to physical therapy for him immediately. It turns out that he did not have tort but had overall hypotonia. After the ARNP wrote the referral she asked if we would like to be part of a research study for children and infants with plagio and brachio. We agreed and signed up. We figured if nothing else they may figure out what is wrong with him and possibly give us more resources. He went to several visits over 3 years and had one MRI relating to the study. (He had another MRI later for medical reasons.) They would send us updates and so on but never really heard the results. I belong to a group on Facebook that is for people with hypotonia. It is a great support group. Many people from all over the globe sharing stories and advice. I wish I knew about this years ago instead of just a couple months. There is a mother there that was denied helmet therapy for her child and while I was looking for links for her to campaign to her insurance company to show its medically needed and not cosmetic I found a link from an article detailing the research study Graydon was in. He was one of the 472 babies in the study, obviously not part of the control group. I know initially we were told he was the first child with plagio that had a successful non sedated MRI. Thankfully it was clear and showed nothing wrong. All of his Bayley tests showed significant global delays. 6-12 months behind "normal" children. It was the urging of Dr. Brent Collett that made me push to have Graydon retested for speech delays, after the initial one showed he didn't need speech therapy. A copy of that Bayley test from a high ranking professional at an acclaimed children's hospital held merit when I waved it in front of the people who said my child didn't NEED speech therapy. They suddenly agreed he did. Anyhow...this is the link.
I am so glad to share and hopefully some good came from the study and it gives other parents more of an edge to fight for their children when professionals refuse to listen.
Another link to a similar story.
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Sunday, September 4, 2011
I R Suck. Update and Update.
Seriously the blog thing has not been happening like I would like. I have lots to say but really not sat down to write it out. Here is the mini update for the year.
Finished college in June just 2 days before my youngest turned 4. (Where did that time go?) I got a degree and 2 certificates. Of course I didn't have to worry about finding a job, because I always had one. One I might add that I am very grateful for. Everyone gets along, usually. They understand needs to leave for medical appointments for my child with hypotonia and other medical issues, specialists and ongoing speech therapy. But it is good to be done. I *thought* I would have a ton more time for stuff like blogging, and ebay...HAH! Yeah no...not sure how I coped before with homework and everything school, work and family.
Moving on...G turned 4. He is doing pretty well progressing with his delays. Still not on the level of other kids his age but not too noticeable to others that meet him. Potty training is the big frustration now. He can pee every time, usually. But pooh is another story. He freaks out, tells me he doesn't know how, runs, hides...UGH! It is hard to tell whether he is internally damaged (Thanks to the wonderful doctors that wouldn't listen) or just fearful, or maybe a little of both. We hope that he makes progress before next fall when he is supposed to start kindergarten.
KC did another summer at theater camp (maybe that is where my time went?). She LOVED it. She even had a lead role with a singing solo. I certainly would love to get her some lessons and maybe get her involved in more theater stuff. It costs money which is scarce these days thank to a certain person that refuses to help with things that...well never mind. Tay spent the summer at my parents working as a laborer. He also helped other family members out and earned some cash. It was good for him. He turns 18 in a few weeks. CRAZY. I am so not old enough for him to be my kid. He has a lot to do this year. He needs to pick a college, we need to do some senior pictures. He has some super hard classes, calculus...physics. ACK! KC is taking algebra in 6th grade...I am not smart enough to help with homework anymore.
I also came to a realization that maybe I knew but never really sat down to ponder. My oldest will be graduating from high school on June 13. The day before his baby brother turns 5, yes FIVE! This means one graduates and another begins. HOLY F()
Speaking of the above mentioned grandmother, we also lost her this year as she left to join my grandfather. She had a broken heard for the last 4-5 yrs. My mother, bless her heart, took care of her until the day she died. Spending nights with her at home and even in the hospital till she took her final breath. There is another story to this I will tell later.
The rest of the year will be busy too. My son turns 18, my daughter will be 12 in a couple months, then Christmas....oh my.
But for now I am going to sign off. More to come!
Finished college in June just 2 days before my youngest turned 4. (Where did that time go?) I got a degree and 2 certificates. Of course I didn't have to worry about finding a job, because I always had one. One I might add that I am very grateful for. Everyone gets along, usually. They understand needs to leave for medical appointments for my child with hypotonia and other medical issues, specialists and ongoing speech therapy. But it is good to be done. I *thought* I would have a ton more time for stuff like blogging, and ebay...HAH! Yeah no...not sure how I coped before with homework and everything school, work and family.
Moving on...G turned 4. He is doing pretty well progressing with his delays. Still not on the level of other kids his age but not too noticeable to others that meet him. Potty training is the big frustration now. He can pee every time, usually. But pooh is another story. He freaks out, tells me he doesn't know how, runs, hides...UGH! It is hard to tell whether he is internally damaged (Thanks to the wonderful doctors that wouldn't listen) or just fearful, or maybe a little of both. We hope that he makes progress before next fall when he is supposed to start kindergarten.
KC did another summer at theater camp (maybe that is where my time went?). She LOVED it. She even had a lead role with a singing solo. I certainly would love to get her some lessons and maybe get her involved in more theater stuff. It costs money which is scarce these days thank to a certain person that refuses to help with things that...well never mind. Tay spent the summer at my parents working as a laborer. He also helped other family members out and earned some cash. It was good for him. He turns 18 in a few weeks. CRAZY. I am so not old enough for him to be my kid. He has a lot to do this year. He needs to pick a college, we need to do some senior pictures. He has some super hard classes, calculus...physics. ACK! KC is taking algebra in 6th grade...I am not smart enough to help with homework anymore.
I also came to a realization that maybe I knew but never really sat down to ponder. My oldest will be graduating from high school on June 13. The day before his baby brother turns 5, yes FIVE! This means one graduates and another begins. HOLY F()
Speaking of the above mentioned grandmother, we also lost her this year as she left to join my grandfather. She had a broken heard for the last 4-5 yrs. My mother, bless her heart, took care of her until the day she died. Spending nights with her at home and even in the hospital till she took her final breath. There is another story to this I will tell later.
The rest of the year will be busy too. My son turns 18, my daughter will be 12 in a couple months, then Christmas....oh my.
But for now I am going to sign off. More to come!
Monday, November 15, 2010
11 Years Ago (on November 17th)
I was 26. I was expecting my 2nd child. I was miserable. I don't speak of that year too often. My grandpa died in January, I was due in November. It was the blessing the family needed. Everyone was distraught. Especially my father. He blames himself for my grandpa dying. No way for him to know, or have helped. Well I don't think so. I had wanted another child. Wanted a girl, a pretty princess to dress up. This is the part I never mention. I didn't intend to get pregnant, but after all we had been married 6 years. I had mixed feelings when I found out. I was happy but I knew he would make me feel like crap. And when I told him, he cried. And they weren't happy tears. He made me fell like shit. He started treating me worse. I didn't want to tell anyone I was even having a baby. I feared he wanted me to give it away or have an abortion. That was how he treated me anyway. For nearly 9 months I felt resentment. I didn't even share with friends I was expecting, for months, or until I was showing. Even my boss I didn't tell for a good couple months. I think I was depressed. Is there a pre-pardum depression? I can't even remember all the things he said to me. They were awful. He never went to one appointment, or ultrasound. Never asked how I was. Never anything. Why did I put up with that?
She was born November 17, 1999 at 3:30 pm. 7.2 lbs. The smallest of all my babies. She was pink and beautiful. I swore to her I was never doing that again, that painful labor thing. (I was wrong however.) We spent the rest of the day bonding and the next day as well. The nurses thought it was odd because by noon they told me I could leave. I told them my spouse was at work and couldn't (didn't want to) leave to come get me. (Found out later he could have.) But I waited patently. It all seems like a blur but not one that long ago. It makes me sad that time flies so fast.
Now she is a smart beautiful young lady. She's kind and giving. She is like me but she is not like me either. I have tried her whole life to correct one flaw of mine I didn't want her to inherit. I have made her self confident. I have given her the strength to stand up for herself and not just do what she thinks other people want. She shows this strength and if there was one thing I gave her that I am most proud of, its living in a positive environment where someone isn't putting you down and making you feel like crap because there life isn't going how they want. She is the best daughter a mom could ever hope for. I am so very proud of her. Happy 11th birthday Kaitlyn Cecilia.
She was born November 17, 1999 at 3:30 pm. 7.2 lbs. The smallest of all my babies. She was pink and beautiful. I swore to her I was never doing that again, that painful labor thing. (I was wrong however.) We spent the rest of the day bonding and the next day as well. The nurses thought it was odd because by noon they told me I could leave. I told them my spouse was at work and couldn't (didn't want to) leave to come get me. (Found out later he could have.) But I waited patently. It all seems like a blur but not one that long ago. It makes me sad that time flies so fast.
Now she is a smart beautiful young lady. She's kind and giving. She is like me but she is not like me either. I have tried her whole life to correct one flaw of mine I didn't want her to inherit. I have made her self confident. I have given her the strength to stand up for herself and not just do what she thinks other people want. She shows this strength and if there was one thing I gave her that I am most proud of, its living in a positive environment where someone isn't putting you down and making you feel like crap because there life isn't going how they want. She is the best daughter a mom could ever hope for. I am so very proud of her. Happy 11th birthday Kaitlyn Cecilia.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
It's WAY too early...
My oldest is taking his PSATs today. 7:30 sharp on a Saturday morning. Its a reality check for me because he will be heading off to college soon. Makes me very sad but my hopes is that I have raised him to be a good guy and respectful. We had a college chat and I told him to think seriously before deciding on a college. He has his heart set on moving in with his dad on the other side of the state. This is great but the one thing I worry about is his dad sabotaging his education. His dad already told me that he didn't think parents should pay for college for their kids, or be responsible for it. This makes me worry that he will not only NOT pay for college but also charge him some kind of rent for living there. Which is funny because I know his parents paid for him to go to college and never charge him any rent. Even when he was 22 his mom offered to pay for his college if he went back to finish his AA degree. So I don't know where his ideas come from. I don't even want to bring it up with him because it will be a fight. I must let our son approach him.
I did prepare Taylor for the possibility that he would receive more financial grants living with me, as my income (at least currently) is much lower than his dad's. I don't think it will make a difference. I also told him to go to college for what makes him happy...not just to get any piece of paper. He should know this now instead of when hes old like me.
As a mom I have so many different worries for my kids. It is such a wide spectrum of worry based on their ages. Taylor approaching college, Kaitlyn approaching her teen years, Graydon approaching potty training. I am always taking care of everyone, sometimes I forget myself. I don't think anyone notices, so its not a big deal. So much on my plate. So many worries about how to be so many different places at the same time. School is so overwhelming. I hear people talk about how busy they are and laugh to myself at their slightly few things on the list. They have no idea. I used to think I was busy. Then I had another kid, and started college. We really need to get another car, but not sure how we will afford the extra insurance on the 2 potential drivers. Things are tight as it is.
I sometimes get down because I don't think I am doing a good job. Well more than sometimes... I also feel like I have abandoned my friends because life is so busy and none of them want much to do with me anymore. My dad likes to put me down which is fine, I am used to that. My life is crap because I don't own my own home. WTFE. I am happier than I have been in years but I would be even happier if I had more time to enjoy it. I don't talk to my other family much, except my mom. I used to be close to everyone but we have all drifted with age and families of our own. I think of emailing my cousin but then I think they probably don't really want to hear from me. I hate facebook anymore. No one comments, no one cares, why do they even have me as friends? I worry about my mom. She is not at all healthy. She hides what is truly wrong with her. She pops her heart pills like pez. She cannot walk across a street without being totally winded. Listen kids, this is what smoking does to you...even if you quit 20 years ago. It slowly kills you. And your family has to watch it happen. It makes me cry. My mom has always been there for me and I can never repay her for everything, especially the times she stuck up for me when my dad is being a jerk. I love my dad and he will always help me when I need it but he has never been a nice person. There is always a catch, usually to be subjected to emotional or verbal assaults. But hes a nice guy...lol. Makes me wonder how I ended up (finally) with a great guy. I broke the cycle. I can accept my dad because hes my dad, and I know that he is that way for a reason. I think it made me realize that I don't want that in my own relationships, thankfully I found that. I appreciate my life and am so grateful I have great kids and a great guy. Somehow I must find a way to make friends with others again. *now accepting applications* Users and abusers need not apply. (I do have a few really good friends that I know are there for me and we accept that life is busy to be joined at the hip.) Thanks guys!
I did prepare Taylor for the possibility that he would receive more financial grants living with me, as my income (at least currently) is much lower than his dad's. I don't think it will make a difference. I also told him to go to college for what makes him happy...not just to get any piece of paper. He should know this now instead of when hes old like me.
As a mom I have so many different worries for my kids. It is such a wide spectrum of worry based on their ages. Taylor approaching college, Kaitlyn approaching her teen years, Graydon approaching potty training. I am always taking care of everyone, sometimes I forget myself. I don't think anyone notices, so its not a big deal. So much on my plate. So many worries about how to be so many different places at the same time. School is so overwhelming. I hear people talk about how busy they are and laugh to myself at their slightly few things on the list. They have no idea. I used to think I was busy. Then I had another kid, and started college. We really need to get another car, but not sure how we will afford the extra insurance on the 2 potential drivers. Things are tight as it is.
I sometimes get down because I don't think I am doing a good job. Well more than sometimes... I also feel like I have abandoned my friends because life is so busy and none of them want much to do with me anymore. My dad likes to put me down which is fine, I am used to that. My life is crap because I don't own my own home. WTFE. I am happier than I have been in years but I would be even happier if I had more time to enjoy it. I don't talk to my other family much, except my mom. I used to be close to everyone but we have all drifted with age and families of our own. I think of emailing my cousin but then I think they probably don't really want to hear from me. I hate facebook anymore. No one comments, no one cares, why do they even have me as friends? I worry about my mom. She is not at all healthy. She hides what is truly wrong with her. She pops her heart pills like pez. She cannot walk across a street without being totally winded. Listen kids, this is what smoking does to you...even if you quit 20 years ago. It slowly kills you. And your family has to watch it happen. It makes me cry. My mom has always been there for me and I can never repay her for everything, especially the times she stuck up for me when my dad is being a jerk. I love my dad and he will always help me when I need it but he has never been a nice person. There is always a catch, usually to be subjected to emotional or verbal assaults. But hes a nice guy...lol. Makes me wonder how I ended up (finally) with a great guy. I broke the cycle. I can accept my dad because hes my dad, and I know that he is that way for a reason. I think it made me realize that I don't want that in my own relationships, thankfully I found that. I appreciate my life and am so grateful I have great kids and a great guy. Somehow I must find a way to make friends with others again. *now accepting applications* Users and abusers need not apply. (I do have a few really good friends that I know are there for me and we accept that life is busy to be joined at the hip.) Thanks guys!
Monday, October 11, 2010
At least I am not bored?
I haven't blogged in a very long time. Unfortunately no time means no blog. Everything is about the same with me. I think of things all the time I would love to write about but I run out of time each day. Today's blog is inspired by my good friend Sam. She started a blog and I wanted to give her a shout out. Find her on my list of blogs I follow or here http://bewitchin-samantha.blogspot.com/. She is super cool!
Things that remain the same...G still has a few issues but is in a great school helping him along. I must remember how to post pictures direct from my phone. Everyone else is great for the most part. I am so busy with school that I have little time to spend online (when not doing assignments).
Off for now...will try and remember to blog soon.
Things that remain the same...G still has a few issues but is in a great school helping him along. I must remember how to post pictures direct from my phone. Everyone else is great for the most part. I am so busy with school that I have little time to spend online (when not doing assignments).
Off for now...will try and remember to blog soon.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Many changes, but everything is the same...
I was reading my blogs from last year. Wow has it been that long since MJ died?
Graydon had the procedure and we are maintaining his constipation problem with medication. So far hes not gotten as bad as he was the first 2 years of his life. Hes not potty trained yet. Everyone told us to hold off. He has had many more tests, an MRI, blood work and even had a genetic specialist. Think Dr. House but for genetics. No answers still. Some "maybe its this or that" but since there is nothing definitive I am not even going to google the maybes. I will just become more neurotic than I already am. And let me tell you, no one in my house wants that!
I still worry about this little man every day. He started daycare this year because we had no other options. The first week he got sick, and hes been sick with ear infections 7 times since. He still has fluid in his ears that cause him pain at least every other day. Well enough pain that he cries and complains. It is really his only complaint he ever has. Good news is we have a great doctor and hospital that agree he needs tubes. Bad news is that they are booked till July so we are having to wait it out till then. He may need some other things done but they will check then. Crossing fingers it all goes ok.
The daycare he is going to was mostly wonderful for my daughter. Its not been so good for Graydon. He keeps getting in trouble, he mimicks the bad kids. He doesn't have tantrums but gets excited very easily. I think the teachers dislike him because they don't understand him. Maybe its because I got another teacher in trouble a couple years ago for doing something bad to my daughters class? I don't know. The teachers have been pushing for us to move him from the first 2 weeks. Instead of making an effort to acquaint G to a daycare setting they expect him to conform to rules hes never had. Like sitting quietly in a circle without moving. The other children, well a couple of them, are unruly and bullying. They even had a state worker come in and asses it. The teachers tried to tell me that its Graydon. The state worker who I requested to speak with said that its too chaotic for Graydon and he doesn't get the attention that he needs. Talking to her made me feel much better. I know my kid is a wonderful caring child. He randomly hugs kids he meets. He hugged 4 today at Target. I wish the rest of the world was just as friendly. He brings smiles to everyone he meets. Well except the 2 teachers at the daycare too busy to notice him standing in a toilet.
The other good news is that he passed his latest speech assessments. He only has a mild delay according to 2 independent tests done just a few weeks apart. He still needs help though. Its obvious hes a little behind but they said its not an extreme concern. Well maybe for the ones doing the testing. I do worry about what will happen when he goes to kindergarten.
Eating issues...always a struggle. He still has a lot of things he won't eat. We focus on what he does it and keep those handy. Still no real fruits or veggies. Gerber meat sticks are great, they make one with carrots. I really need to learn to cook. Or be more creative at it. Maybe I can start hiding veggies better. So far he finds them or just refuses things I have hidden veggies in. It's like he knows. So confusing. Hes above zero percentile at least and maybe up to 8%. This is wonderful as long as he keeps going. I heard a pod cast on The Parent Experiment the other day. They talked about coconut oil being a miracle food. I plan to get some and give it to Graydon. Maybe even the milk. Can't hurt right? Dad may think I am nuts but I am willing to try it. Will report back later!
Graydon had the procedure and we are maintaining his constipation problem with medication. So far hes not gotten as bad as he was the first 2 years of his life. Hes not potty trained yet. Everyone told us to hold off. He has had many more tests, an MRI, blood work and even had a genetic specialist. Think Dr. House but for genetics. No answers still. Some "maybe its this or that" but since there is nothing definitive I am not even going to google the maybes. I will just become more neurotic than I already am. And let me tell you, no one in my house wants that!
I still worry about this little man every day. He started daycare this year because we had no other options. The first week he got sick, and hes been sick with ear infections 7 times since. He still has fluid in his ears that cause him pain at least every other day. Well enough pain that he cries and complains. It is really his only complaint he ever has. Good news is we have a great doctor and hospital that agree he needs tubes. Bad news is that they are booked till July so we are having to wait it out till then. He may need some other things done but they will check then. Crossing fingers it all goes ok.
The daycare he is going to was mostly wonderful for my daughter. Its not been so good for Graydon. He keeps getting in trouble, he mimicks the bad kids. He doesn't have tantrums but gets excited very easily. I think the teachers dislike him because they don't understand him. Maybe its because I got another teacher in trouble a couple years ago for doing something bad to my daughters class? I don't know. The teachers have been pushing for us to move him from the first 2 weeks. Instead of making an effort to acquaint G to a daycare setting they expect him to conform to rules hes never had. Like sitting quietly in a circle without moving. The other children, well a couple of them, are unruly and bullying. They even had a state worker come in and asses it. The teachers tried to tell me that its Graydon. The state worker who I requested to speak with said that its too chaotic for Graydon and he doesn't get the attention that he needs. Talking to her made me feel much better. I know my kid is a wonderful caring child. He randomly hugs kids he meets. He hugged 4 today at Target. I wish the rest of the world was just as friendly. He brings smiles to everyone he meets. Well except the 2 teachers at the daycare too busy to notice him standing in a toilet.
The other good news is that he passed his latest speech assessments. He only has a mild delay according to 2 independent tests done just a few weeks apart. He still needs help though. Its obvious hes a little behind but they said its not an extreme concern. Well maybe for the ones doing the testing. I do worry about what will happen when he goes to kindergarten.
Eating issues...always a struggle. He still has a lot of things he won't eat. We focus on what he does it and keep those handy. Still no real fruits or veggies. Gerber meat sticks are great, they make one with carrots. I really need to learn to cook. Or be more creative at it. Maybe I can start hiding veggies better. So far he finds them or just refuses things I have hidden veggies in. It's like he knows. So confusing. Hes above zero percentile at least and maybe up to 8%. This is wonderful as long as he keeps going. I heard a pod cast on The Parent Experiment the other day. They talked about coconut oil being a miracle food. I plan to get some and give it to Graydon. Maybe even the milk. Can't hurt right? Dad may think I am nuts but I am willing to try it. Will report back later!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Special Needs?
I really really loathe this term. Special needs is the same as saying somehow your kid has defects. I do not think my kid is defective, anymore than my other kids have defects. Their defects happen to be different...like they are defective at cleaning their rooms when I ask them. All kids have a special need, the special need to be loved. So if one child has special needs does that mean my other kids needs are not so special? So my kid doesn't eat right, gain weight and gets constipated without medicine daily. He wears plastic braces on his ankles to help strengthen his legs. He can't jump up and down, strangers can't understand anything he says. But this is just him. Hes not bound to a wheel chair or have tubes running in and out. I know there are kids out there with needs far more specialized than my own child. This I guess is why I hate the term. I know people with kids with debilitating diseases that will not be getting better. People that have to take kids to the hospital weekly for more than just ear infections. I just don't feel normal functioning kids are any more special than normal kids without behavior, speech and learning delays. Maybe it makes them unique from their peers but my gifted, learning excelled child is just as special as my delayed speech, milestone and learning child. Her needs are just as special as his. Just sayin...
Sunday, May 2, 2010
My daughter's story....
My daughter is a brave little girl. Shes so much stronger than she lets on. She doesn't remember when her dad and I were married like her brother does. Though his memories aren't the best because he mostly remembers fighting and still to this day clams up when anything confrontational happens between his dad and I. Their father angers me. Hes a manipulative, selfish man. I knew he would be married shortly after out divorce...which he was. He needs someone to take care of him. Sadly he found the opposite. I am sure his wife is a nice lady with many issues. Just more than a year ago I discovered something horrible had happened while they were visiting...which is only a few times a year, thankfully. I knew things had become very strange in their fathers household. There were werid things going on, like stepmom being sent away to some mental facility for emotional distress. Her loss of custody of her own kid. When I asked I was told not to worry but her ex husband was just a jerk. Um ok...cause that usually is a good enough reason to lose your child. Anyway an evening discussion about why my daughter was freaking out because we were having a summer evening cocktail on a warm night turned into a deep discussion of an instance that happened a year or so prior. I am still not sure of the date...
My daughter had freaked out a couple times when we had alcohol. Now we are not very big drinkers, maybe once or twice a month at most. Usually more in the summer when its hot out. One night it really bothered her and since this was becoming more of a thing with her I sat her down and explained that we didn't have any problems and asked her if she ever thought we had done anything we shouldn't have while having a cocktail, beer or glass of wine. We never have more than a couple each and we never get drunk. We never go for a drive while drinking. We never argue or fight. Actually you couldn't be so normal or boring as we are having a drink or two.
During our conversation of why it bothered her she kept saying alcohol makes a person crazy. I agree that yes sometimes people act crazy but my worry became who she had witnessed with a problem like this as we don't really drink often enough, or have them anywhere where others are drinking till they go nuts. She said that her stepmom used to drink a lot. And would get "kooky". Then it dawned on me that the stint in the mental facility was likely rehab and not because of personal issues, well I suppose that would fall in that category.
Come to find out there was a specific instance where she became suicidal and for whatever reason decided to take her life. I don't know all of the gritty details and frankly I don't want to know. But somehow my daughter was worried about her stepmom when she wasn't home that she became focused on them finding her. Not exactly sure what led her to believe her stepmom was in danger but the girl does have my perceptive genes and likely had a feeling that wouldn't go away. This has happened to me a lot. I feel bad I didn't sense it at the time as well. They ended up finding her stepmom in a park, passed out from booze and sleeping pills. I guess it was bad enough that the paramedics barely saved her. So my poor daughter although stricken with this experience has now saved a life. And they keep reminding her...or she keeps reminding herself when she is with them. My daughter is the best, I do agree. But somehow this haunts her. I see it in her eyes. She brings it up to me and cries as if she feels guilt. She shouldn't feel guilt, she should feel it was a gift. I don't understand it. Though I feel anger towards the adults in the situation. Mostly their dad. I can almost understand having to drink and probably would if I were still married to him. But he told them they must never tell me. Because if I knew then they could never see their dad again. Really? He made that choice...the choice to guilt them into lying to me for more than a year. I could tell my son was carrying a burden but didn't push him, until my daughter slipped that night when she freaked out about our summer cocktails. Then they both cried and told me what happened. It's probably a good thing he lives more than 4 hours away because I would have drove to his house to yell at him. How dare he make them feel bad about telling me something. Then his wife had the nerve to call me when I made a facebook post about my ex's crazy drama and not wanting any part of it...she thought I was insulting them till she got an earful of yeah I know what happened and I hate you all for hurting my kids and subjecting them to this horrible situation and making it worse by forcing them to lie and keep this from me. Then I pretty much said I was no longer pushing for his visits. If he wants a visit he needs to ok it and plan it. Any trust I had in him is gone. So now when they visit and after they come home I resist asking what happened but instead try and be positive. The urge to straight up ask is difficult but I told the kids I trust them to tell me anything in the future. But when my daughter is moody and unhappy when she gets home, it makes me worry and wonder if anything happened. I just remind her she can tell me anything, I wont keep them from their dad. I just want to keep them safe.
My son, God bless him, did make a decision. After the rehab stint she fell off the wagon again I guess and ended up in jail. Again not knowing a bunch of details... I guess my son told his dad that if his stepmom ever drank again in his presence he would never ever come visit again. I am very proud of him. And no as much as it sounds like I put him up to that I didn't. He also said that his dad should have got divorced long ago...or he would have if he were his dad. Honestly misery loves company and maybe they work dysfunctionally well together. I don't care what they do as long as my kids are not involved. Maybe I am paranoid when they visit, but I think I have a right to be. No matter what they are my kids, I have raised them and I have to fix his mistakes.
Awhile back I called to get them into counseling because of the suicide attempt and their witnessing of it. I was told that I have to have permission from their father even though he doesn't have custody. How f'd up is that? I really think my daughter needs it. Maybe it will help to talk things out with someone. I need one that will do it without her dads permission because he doesn't believe in it. After all a couple months after cheating on me he quit marriage counseling and told me to "just get over it already". I decided that I didn't want to and I would rather get a divorce. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, well shame on me again...third time means I am done with you because I no longer trust you and you won't be hurting me again. I am sure hes told a bunch of lies about that too...eh not my problem because *I* know the truth. Actually I am glad. I learned a great lesson and I am in such a much better place now. Relationships do not have to hurt you. I am in the best one ever and we never argue or fight and we love spending time together. Yes it is possible.
I just want my daughter to feel guilt free. I do hope it hasn't screwed her up. Had I known about it when it happened I could have asked for intervention and counseling for them both. Now that its been several years, I think who knows if they have forgot it mostly or not. I wish I had the magic pen that the MIB did to erase memories. Maybe it will help them later in life? I certainly hope there was a reason for this for them to learn from.
My daughter had freaked out a couple times when we had alcohol. Now we are not very big drinkers, maybe once or twice a month at most. Usually more in the summer when its hot out. One night it really bothered her and since this was becoming more of a thing with her I sat her down and explained that we didn't have any problems and asked her if she ever thought we had done anything we shouldn't have while having a cocktail, beer or glass of wine. We never have more than a couple each and we never get drunk. We never go for a drive while drinking. We never argue or fight. Actually you couldn't be so normal or boring as we are having a drink or two.
During our conversation of why it bothered her she kept saying alcohol makes a person crazy. I agree that yes sometimes people act crazy but my worry became who she had witnessed with a problem like this as we don't really drink often enough, or have them anywhere where others are drinking till they go nuts. She said that her stepmom used to drink a lot. And would get "kooky". Then it dawned on me that the stint in the mental facility was likely rehab and not because of personal issues, well I suppose that would fall in that category.
Come to find out there was a specific instance where she became suicidal and for whatever reason decided to take her life. I don't know all of the gritty details and frankly I don't want to know. But somehow my daughter was worried about her stepmom when she wasn't home that she became focused on them finding her. Not exactly sure what led her to believe her stepmom was in danger but the girl does have my perceptive genes and likely had a feeling that wouldn't go away. This has happened to me a lot. I feel bad I didn't sense it at the time as well. They ended up finding her stepmom in a park, passed out from booze and sleeping pills. I guess it was bad enough that the paramedics barely saved her. So my poor daughter although stricken with this experience has now saved a life. And they keep reminding her...or she keeps reminding herself when she is with them. My daughter is the best, I do agree. But somehow this haunts her. I see it in her eyes. She brings it up to me and cries as if she feels guilt. She shouldn't feel guilt, she should feel it was a gift. I don't understand it. Though I feel anger towards the adults in the situation. Mostly their dad. I can almost understand having to drink and probably would if I were still married to him. But he told them they must never tell me. Because if I knew then they could never see their dad again. Really? He made that choice...the choice to guilt them into lying to me for more than a year. I could tell my son was carrying a burden but didn't push him, until my daughter slipped that night when she freaked out about our summer cocktails. Then they both cried and told me what happened. It's probably a good thing he lives more than 4 hours away because I would have drove to his house to yell at him. How dare he make them feel bad about telling me something. Then his wife had the nerve to call me when I made a facebook post about my ex's crazy drama and not wanting any part of it...she thought I was insulting them till she got an earful of yeah I know what happened and I hate you all for hurting my kids and subjecting them to this horrible situation and making it worse by forcing them to lie and keep this from me. Then I pretty much said I was no longer pushing for his visits. If he wants a visit he needs to ok it and plan it. Any trust I had in him is gone. So now when they visit and after they come home I resist asking what happened but instead try and be positive. The urge to straight up ask is difficult but I told the kids I trust them to tell me anything in the future. But when my daughter is moody and unhappy when she gets home, it makes me worry and wonder if anything happened. I just remind her she can tell me anything, I wont keep them from their dad. I just want to keep them safe.
My son, God bless him, did make a decision. After the rehab stint she fell off the wagon again I guess and ended up in jail. Again not knowing a bunch of details... I guess my son told his dad that if his stepmom ever drank again in his presence he would never ever come visit again. I am very proud of him. And no as much as it sounds like I put him up to that I didn't. He also said that his dad should have got divorced long ago...or he would have if he were his dad. Honestly misery loves company and maybe they work dysfunctionally well together. I don't care what they do as long as my kids are not involved. Maybe I am paranoid when they visit, but I think I have a right to be. No matter what they are my kids, I have raised them and I have to fix his mistakes.
Awhile back I called to get them into counseling because of the suicide attempt and their witnessing of it. I was told that I have to have permission from their father even though he doesn't have custody. How f'd up is that? I really think my daughter needs it. Maybe it will help to talk things out with someone. I need one that will do it without her dads permission because he doesn't believe in it. After all a couple months after cheating on me he quit marriage counseling and told me to "just get over it already". I decided that I didn't want to and I would rather get a divorce. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, well shame on me again...third time means I am done with you because I no longer trust you and you won't be hurting me again. I am sure hes told a bunch of lies about that too...eh not my problem because *I* know the truth. Actually I am glad. I learned a great lesson and I am in such a much better place now. Relationships do not have to hurt you. I am in the best one ever and we never argue or fight and we love spending time together. Yes it is possible.
I just want my daughter to feel guilt free. I do hope it hasn't screwed her up. Had I known about it when it happened I could have asked for intervention and counseling for them both. Now that its been several years, I think who knows if they have forgot it mostly or not. I wish I had the magic pen that the MIB did to erase memories. Maybe it will help them later in life? I certainly hope there was a reason for this for them to learn from.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Failing...
Well not in my class, yet. I just might if I can't finish my work though. Graydon had never been to preschool, daycare or anything like it until February this year. I figured he would do well playing with his "fwends" and he did at first. But I think hes lost, too many kids. Even though its just 4-5 hours spent there. He started acting out and throwing things, or at least them mentioned it. I blew it off because hes not normally like that. I figured he was copying other kids. Graydon is very much into copying others. He is behind on his development in speech and motor skills but they have always said his cognitive level is on time. He thinks, figures things out, just cant communicate it with people who are not used to how he speaks.
So now hes is throwing things, just at daycare, on a consistent basis. Not sure what to do because hes not at all like this at home or anywhere else we go for that matter. He usually is trying to hug and kiss the girls he meets at appointments or in random public settings. Its so frustrating because the daycare had stripped him of his comfort items. The wouldnt allow him his blakey and binkie. Though I brought them daily in his bag. They finally relented on the blankey but only for nap time. What do I do? I have never had a problem with this. I would really love the feedback from others if possible. I plan to talk to his speech therapist today and her supervisor to see what they think. Help! I feel like I am failing as a mom.
So now hes is throwing things, just at daycare, on a consistent basis. Not sure what to do because hes not at all like this at home or anywhere else we go for that matter. He usually is trying to hug and kiss the girls he meets at appointments or in random public settings. Its so frustrating because the daycare had stripped him of his comfort items. The wouldnt allow him his blakey and binkie. Though I brought them daily in his bag. They finally relented on the blankey but only for nap time. What do I do? I have never had a problem with this. I would really love the feedback from others if possible. I plan to talk to his speech therapist today and her supervisor to see what they think. Help! I feel like I am failing as a mom.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Like Watching a Train Wreck...
I noticed watching people that are miserable with their lives tends to make you appreciate yours more. To be that unhappy all the time, its almost like watching a train wreck or reality TV.
I listen to podcasts to get through my week of silence at work. I love that our office is quiet and there is no drama and everyone likes each other but when Adam Carolla went off the air, I am so thankful for his podcasts. There is a new one in which his wife Lynette and Teresa Strasser do a mommycast called the parent experiment. (Download here) These chicks rock! These women make me seem like I am sitting there with them. And I love that they never judge choices of others. I may have a few more mommy years on them and sometimes I would like to just say, Nah don't worry or stress about "fill in the blank". When your kid is 16 like mine, him and his friends do not talk about who was breast fed and who wasn't. So it may seem that it matters when they are under 5, pretty soon the last thing they want to know about is whether they drank from their moms tata. This is a subject I don't buy into so much. I know its great to BF and all the benefits BUT I hate they make moms that don't feel like the equivalent to Cortney Love. I had issues with said son trying to breast feed. I was 20 and everyone kept forcing me to "try". All I did was cry for 2 days. It was horrible. I hurt, I had no help. When my son spit up blood from my nipples I was done. He was colicky while being breast fed so there was no way he wasn't going to be colicky either way. This experience led me to just say no to the boob. When my daughter was born (she was born with hickeys and water blisters on her wrists from sucking herself) I had developed the strength enough in my mothering to tell the forceful nurses no. My daughter has never had an ounce of boob juice. You know where she is today? Shes in a highly capable class in a public school learning advanced math and other subjects. Could breast milk have made her smarter? Not likely. My older kids have rarely had more than a cold or minor stomach bug. I can probably count on my hands how many times my teen has been sick throughout his life. Same with my daughter. I am blessed.
Schooling? My daughter is doing math I can barely do and shes in the 4th/5th grade. My son is taking honors classes and maybe, just maybe I can help him in his English homework but to home school these kids I would need some sort of masters degree in math and sciences. Thankfully early on I was able to admit to myself, I am a good mom but a horrible teacher. They are doing super well in the education department. I do attribute this to a good daycare that they both went to kindergarten in. This gave them both a big jump when starting first grade in public school. They both have good social skills, they care about their family and friends. I would include my little one in this because hes also super smart for a 2 year old, but hes still learning. His milestones might be delayed but that is a muscle issue hes had since birth. And he had this before ever getting any kind of vaccine, so lets not go all Jenny McCarthy now. I do think it could be a result of some medicines given to me in PTL BUT it wasn't because of Tylenol or even vicoden. But the kid can work an iPhone better than most adults and can play the drums like no other 2 year old can! Though I would love to put my kids in a safe bubble I know I need to let them learn to express their likes and dislikes, find their own personality. Deal with mean people. We have to let go a little to let them find their way. We can do that and still protect them and discipline them. Its very hard the first time your kid comes home and says someone was mean to them. I have advice for that but I will get into that another time. Its a fine line between: bubble and individual freedom.
So as I end this I urge you all to look around you and not feel competitive to other moms, or judgmental, but instead just do what you know best to be the best mom for your family and kids. Be happy. A happy mom = happy kids and I don't need a masters degree in education to know that one!
I listen to podcasts to get through my week of silence at work. I love that our office is quiet and there is no drama and everyone likes each other but when Adam Carolla went off the air, I am so thankful for his podcasts. There is a new one in which his wife Lynette and Teresa Strasser do a mommycast called the parent experiment. (Download here) These chicks rock! These women make me seem like I am sitting there with them. And I love that they never judge choices of others. I may have a few more mommy years on them and sometimes I would like to just say, Nah don't worry or stress about "fill in the blank". When your kid is 16 like mine, him and his friends do not talk about who was breast fed and who wasn't. So it may seem that it matters when they are under 5, pretty soon the last thing they want to know about is whether they drank from their moms tata. This is a subject I don't buy into so much. I know its great to BF and all the benefits BUT I hate they make moms that don't feel like the equivalent to Cortney Love. I had issues with said son trying to breast feed. I was 20 and everyone kept forcing me to "try". All I did was cry for 2 days. It was horrible. I hurt, I had no help. When my son spit up blood from my nipples I was done. He was colicky while being breast fed so there was no way he wasn't going to be colicky either way. This experience led me to just say no to the boob. When my daughter was born (she was born with hickeys and water blisters on her wrists from sucking herself) I had developed the strength enough in my mothering to tell the forceful nurses no. My daughter has never had an ounce of boob juice. You know where she is today? Shes in a highly capable class in a public school learning advanced math and other subjects. Could breast milk have made her smarter? Not likely. My older kids have rarely had more than a cold or minor stomach bug. I can probably count on my hands how many times my teen has been sick throughout his life. Same with my daughter. I am blessed.
Schooling? My daughter is doing math I can barely do and shes in the 4th/5th grade. My son is taking honors classes and maybe, just maybe I can help him in his English homework but to home school these kids I would need some sort of masters degree in math and sciences. Thankfully early on I was able to admit to myself, I am a good mom but a horrible teacher. They are doing super well in the education department. I do attribute this to a good daycare that they both went to kindergarten in. This gave them both a big jump when starting first grade in public school. They both have good social skills, they care about their family and friends. I would include my little one in this because hes also super smart for a 2 year old, but hes still learning. His milestones might be delayed but that is a muscle issue hes had since birth. And he had this before ever getting any kind of vaccine, so lets not go all Jenny McCarthy now. I do think it could be a result of some medicines given to me in PTL BUT it wasn't because of Tylenol or even vicoden. But the kid can work an iPhone better than most adults and can play the drums like no other 2 year old can! Though I would love to put my kids in a safe bubble I know I need to let them learn to express their likes and dislikes, find their own personality. Deal with mean people. We have to let go a little to let them find their way. We can do that and still protect them and discipline them. Its very hard the first time your kid comes home and says someone was mean to them. I have advice for that but I will get into that another time. Its a fine line between: bubble and individual freedom.
So as I end this I urge you all to look around you and not feel competitive to other moms, or judgmental, but instead just do what you know best to be the best mom for your family and kids. Be happy. A happy mom = happy kids and I don't need a masters degree in education to know that one!
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