Again

I always think of things to blog about but then when I sit down I forget. I think old age has hit me. Then again it could be that I try to fit a whole buffet on my saucer size plate and I just can't keep it all in my head.

I own 5 calendars. One on my desk at work, one on the computer at work, one I carry in my purse, another I carry in my bag, then another on my phone and actually 3 on the walls in the room I am sitting...wait that is 9? The one on my phone is attached to the one in my computer. I am a scheduler but not a great one.

In fact, I should be doing 2 assignments, applying for jobs because they say I have too, even though I am employed. I never hear back from any of these jobs anyway. And I suppose I do try, because I cannot do much half assed.

Time is wasting and so is the day...

I can't believe people sometimes...

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/politics/2010058492_referendum7114m.html

This story irritates me. People playing God, thinking they should impose their beliefs on others.

Last week I kind of "got into it" with a family member over gay rights. He kept quoting the bible as the all knowing source but he had no idea what it means. He said I was not doing what God wants me to by correcting anyone's unbiblical behavior before me. Seriously? When did God make me apart of his police department? I think religion is great for those who need it. Some of us know right and wrong without having a bible hit us to correct what we may or may not do. I attribute that to my parents, not being in church every Sunday for 30 years. Maybe this is why I have denounced organized religion in my older years. I have sat in church too many times to see people act one way, only to leave and go on the next week to act a total other way. Now I am not saying everyone that goes to church is like this. You know who you are. There are some wonderful, but few, people in churches, but the majority doesn't make it worth my while to sit there. The good Christians know what I am talking about too. We all know how guilty of sin each one of us is. Why these men decide they know what is best for the rest of us, I have no idea.

In that article it says the one man was divorced twice...so he already broke his vows. Doesn't matter the reason. He broke his sacrament of marriage. Who is he to fight for or against others to have the same sacrament? Liars. As soon as the state/government started issuing marriage certificates it no longer became a church/bible/God issue. The truly religious will denounce being married by the government in that case. Or maybe the government should just change the name of marriage to partnership, for everyone. I would rather have a partnership with my husband than a marriage.

Well this is just part one because I have more to say but have ran out of time...

Well well well...

I keep forgetting I have a blog. Sometimes when I am in the car or laying in bed awake, too early to get up I think about blogs I should write. Then I get up or get where I am going and forget, or just run out of time to do it. Even as I type now I have a 2 year old getting his Spongebob plate from the dishwasher and saying "Bob eat". Time to make a pancake even though its 6:29 am and hes NEVER up this early.

Now he is happy with his pancake and Bob plate. I am so happy he wants to eat I drop everything to feed him when hes hungry. Hes doing better at least from where hes been. Hes becoming more like a 2 year old and less like a one year old. Even though hes almost 2 and a half. He still has bowel issues and has to have medicine daily. They haven't wanted to figure out that problem yet and our next visit to Children's isnt for another month. Hope to push the issue more then now that his intestines are probably getting back to normal.

Kait needs to get up soon. Little miss student council has a meeting this morning. Shes quite the social child.

Taylor is quite the opposite. Hes happier being in his room or with select friends.

Their dad has given me grief lately. He thinks the world revolves around him. His dad was the same way when it came to his other kids. They should take the time to visit him or put him first. Why, when he doesn't do that for them? Hes never been a hands on dad. He expects them to be so happy to hear from him when he never takes the time to pay any attention to them. They call and he doesn't answer. I got them their own phones so he can call each of them whenever he wants. But yet he still finds ways to make it my fault. But I am used to that. I am not happy when he outright blames them. He makes me so mad at his attitude towards his kids. How can a parent be like that? I would move mountains for my children. I don't understand him. How his poor drunk wife is so much more important. He drops everything for his parents but hes never been there for his kids so they will never be the same towards him. Anyway before that makes me more angry.

School is keeping me busy, on top of everything else. Sometimes I cannot keep up. Or I feel that way. I do get overwhelmed. I wish I didn't. I wish I handled things better. I get too much into my own head and start to lose it a little. Always being on the go doesn't help. I need a vacation in my own home. Heh.

Well since I really don't have time to blog, I am taking time away from dressing and getting ready for work. The weather is turning bad, its going to be a long winter!

Quick Update

I will have to go in more detail later but he spent a day (July 9 - 10) in the hospital with a tube into his tummy getting him cleaned out finally. Now hes still on daily laxative to keep it from getting blocked again. No potty training for a long while though. Hopefully he will stay clean. Not sure when we will find out why he has this problem.

Part 2 update he had an MRI this week because his head is not growing. (along with the rest of him) Scary because they had to sedate him, put him under using the same stuff Michael Jackson used before he died. The MRI came back fine and clean. Which is really good because it rules out a whole lotta bad. Now he will go back for a follow up growth evaluation in a couple months.

Anyway between school and work I am totally swamped. Hopefully I can catch up soon!

My son is full of shit...

Literally. Xray proves it. Again. *sigh*

Now we have seen a specialist in neurodevelopment, another nutritionist and a feeding specialist. Really how many nutritionists can give us advice. We know. But he will only eat what he wants.

He's been waking up screaming. Hes been having screaming fits occasionally during the day. Another call to the doctor who seemed concerned but couldn't fit him in. So we see another available doctor. Diagnosis...Doctor: your son is having night terrors and throwing tantrums. Me: Really? No not him. Hes in pain, trust me I am his mom. I know his pain cry, his mad cry, his scared cry. Doctor: No really its normal for kids to have night terrors at (barely) 2 years old. And maybe he has some small bug that is making him fussy. WTFE... Leave frustrated.

Happens again. During the day. Not sleeping. Wide awake. I even record it with the camera. Screams for an hour. Home alone with him. I put him in the car, screaming all the way 3 miles to urgent care. (No way will I get a hold of the regular clinic at 4pm on a Friday) Nice Nurse we saw before: Did they test him for Crohons? Me: Nope they blew that off before I finished my sentence. Her: really? Me: Yep. Last told hes having night terrors. Her: NO way. Kids that age don't normally have night terrors without some kind of trauma. You should take him to Children's. I will write up that he needs a full work up on Crohons and stomach issues.

One hour later at Children's ER. He's stopped screaming, thankfully but yet I wonder if they will believe me. He has a slight fever. They take us back. Nurse comes in asks basic run down...the doctor came in. I proceeded to tell her about the last visit and how upset I am that I was just told it was night terrors. She let me finish then said...well I am going to have to agree with that doctor. Me: what? Doctor: well it is normal. Crohons would be more far fetched. Me: Um, I hate to disagree but well I do. Hes not having night anything. Hes not having tantrums. Doctor: Well he is 2 now, tantrums are normal. Me: not for him, hes a mild, mellow child. He does NOT have tantrums. Nurse came in to take us to xray. Doctor: we'll talk more when hes back from xray.

Waiting, waited, waits...finally doctor comes back in. Sits down quietly and... Doctor: Well I am not sure what his xray looked like 2 months ago when he was here but hes still very constipated and has large amounts of stool in his intestines. Xray shows "Large Intestine Fecal Burden" Me: speechless. Doctor: it does take time for it to all come out. He is probably having pain. Me: Yeah I KNEW it wasnt night terrors. Doctor: well we could do something they call poop dynomite but we don't recommend it. You should keep things going as you are and it will clear up eventually, like in a year. Me: so what he is pooping now is poop from 6 months ago. Doctor: well yeah it would seem that way. Me: what else can we give him for pain. Doctor: well nothing, you can add maalox 1 tsp five times a day. Me: 5 times a day? Doctor: Yes. Other than that you just wait. Have a nice weekend.

Now...I was so shocked that he was STILL that constipated I couldn't even pull my thoughts together after sitting in the room alone with him for 3 hours. I leave, kind of in shock but thankfully my friends and Brandon (who was at work) helped me cope with the questions in my head.

Our struggle now is the pain he goes through AND his decreasing desire to eat much of anything. Even the things he previously loved. His lack of appetite scares us. How long can he waste away? He may weight 21 lbs now but at least 3 lbs is probably poop.

I had a call from the hospital asking how hes doing. Of course I said um the same still constipated. I did ask about doing frequent xrays to check on progress. She agreed. I asked what else can be done and she explained a procedure. They put a fluid, same fluid that they use for colonoscopy's directly into his stomach. This gets things soft and moving. I need to discuss this with his doctor. Just not sure if I can get through and actually see her. Also plan to bring this up with the neurodevelopmental specialist. This is why.

Obviously hes failing to thrive. Hes not absorbing nutrition. Hes barely eating. This is probably because his stomach/intestines are full of crap. Possibly pushing on his stomach. Think pregnancy. When you're pregnant the baby pushes on your stomach, and everything else. This could be happening to him? This could be causing a lack of appetite. He doesn't want to eat because hes associating it with pain later. Until this is fixed we cannot find out what caused it to become so bad.

I guess we need answers. And a parent knows their kid. Why won't people believe us?

Fairwell Jacko, My Michael Memories

I remember when I was but 12 years old and I had some money left from some holiday or birthday and I decided to buy my first ever real record. I had records, but they were of the children's variety mostly, Disco Mickey Mouse, sound track to Lady and the Tramp and a Sesame Street one. I played them on my little blue suitcase player. I did have an Elvis record that I bought a yard sale at the neighbors of my grandparents. I also bought a pogo stick that day too. That was the best $2 that I ever spent!

My mom took me to Bi-Mart which was probably the closest thing we had to us that sold records. She rarely would venture to a mall or even past 16th Avenue. I remember the excitement of getting this new music that I had only heard on the radio. Also the only pop radio station only played music from 6 am to 8 pm. I had a little tape player, the flat conference room kind, nothing like a boom box. Strictly mono, no stereo. I would hold it next to an old clock radio and record my favorite songs that would play so I could listen to them later. It was surely the cool item to have for a 12 year old, at least I thought so at the time.

The background of the record cover was black with a guy wearing a white suit on the cover. It was so shiny and he almost glowed off the cover because his outfit was so white on the black background and his ebony skin. The glow of the white in his eyes surrounding the pupil was piercing. His skin so smooth looking. His hair perfect with these tiny little curls, one dangling just right over his forehead.

I was almost afraid to tear open the cellophane. I really didn't want to ruin the perfect package, but I couldn’t wait even to get home before I did. I was in awe at the picture I found inside as the album cover folded out. it was similar to the cover but a beautiful animal was next to him, a baby tiger. They both glowed off the page.

I listened to that record over and over. My parents thought I was nuts. I loved all the songs, each one and memorized the words. I especially loved his duets with Paul McCartney. I always loved the Beatles and since my music limits up to that point was that of my parents record collection, the Beatles were a better choice than that of Willie Nelson and Ann Murray...at least to a 12 year old.

The summer of that year I had a slumber party. These were the days when people didn't own VCR's. You rented one and some movies at the store. It was probably pretty expensive. I got to choose 3 movies. My friends and I chose Friday the 13th, The Last Unicorn, (good combo huh?) and The Making of Thriller! I remember we must have watched Thriller about a dozen times before we returned it. Friday the 13th only got played once and it scared the bajezzus out of us! We watched The Last Unicorn after that to clear our minds so we could eventually sleep.

Michael Jackson was such a big deal when I was 12. I had to get all the magazines, news clippings and anything he happened to be in. I had a stalker like collection. He was the Hanson or Jonas Brothers of my day. I even had earrings with his picture. I had the peechee folder and for Christmas my parents bought me the Barbie-like MJ doll. Yeah over the top much? I still have that stuff in a box somewhere. My dad called me yesterday and said "Yanno that doll we got you will probably be worth something now!" My parents were never fans...

I don't know what cause me not to be such a big fan. I just kind of stopped. I think it was the last sort of celebrity that I ever had an obsession with. I don't know if the allegations are true. One may think that there was something not right with the man. He had a horrible childhood and maybe that contributed to his self mutilation via surgery. Maybe it was true maybe it wasn't. I really don't know what to think of that. The Michael Jackson I remember as 12 year old innocent girl was to me an entirely different person than the Jacko of recent years. Especially since his looks have dramatically changed. He no longer resembles the glowing figure on the cover of the Thriller album. He instead looked more like a caricature of himself. These are my Michael memories...

Be careful what you wish for....

Two years ago when my third child was born I remember thinking how fast they grow up. I barely remember time passing by so fast as the older kids have grown. We both told Graydon not to grow up too fast. I remember telling Brandon how I wish Graydon would stay little longer than his siblings. Well fast forward, maybe I shouldn't have made that wish. Now he is two and has fallen off the growth charts because of his failure to thrive. I feel some guilt having made that wish after he was born.

Today we had his appointment with the Neuroscience person. I am so tired of repeating the story each time. I am seriously thinking of writing a summary to hand to each new person we go to. I always feel I am forgetting to mention something. It seemed much of the same thing, same questions his doctor, physical therapists, speech evaluators, the neurologist, nutritionists and all the other specialists ask. Yes we know hes delayed...is it a big deal? What else should we expect in the future? What has caused this? This has been ongoing since the day he was born and he could not suck the nipple on his bottle. So everything today was the same...until the end. She stated that his head circumference has fallen off the chart. This is something that has always been normal size as the rest of him is smaller. She wants to follow up with his neurolgist and find out what blood work has already been done. Then order some more. He needs a hearing test, I know this is not at all the issue. He can hear the smallest noise across the house. He needs to see another neutritionist. Sure, if it can get him to eat fruit and drink juice great. Doubt you can force a 2 year old to consume anything they don't want too. So all we came away with is there is something wrong, yes we know that, and we need more follow up and more people to see...yay for us.

On the plus side we are getting great news from our new PT. She thinks hes doing very well on catching up and would like to focus more on speech. This was very nice to know. All the hard work has paid off. I feel bad we will be leaving his current PT soon but I think this change will be good for his development.

More to come...