A gift...Merry Christmas

Now that school is done for a month I plan to do some cooking/baking. When I was in Atlanta in August we went to a restaurant that was awesome. They had real southern food to die for, or to die from if you eat too much. They had this pudding like substance and to my surprise it was Sweet Potatoes. One of our dealers said its a staple come Christmas time and later emailed me his recipe. So I am going to share it for all those brave enough to try. Honestly I have never bought a sweet potato in my entire life so this will be an experience for me as well. (If I am brave enough to try it) Please let me know how it works for you if you do try it and if you make it already any advice would be awesome. Here you go...

3 - cups mashed sweet potatoes

1/2 - cup sugar

1/2 - teaspoon salt

2 - beaten eggs

1/2 - stick margarine

1/2 - cup milk (evaporated makes a richer taste)

1 - teaspoon vanilla

4 - large sweet potatoes cooked measures out to be approx. 3 cups of mashed potatoes.

Whip cooked sweet potatoes with electric mixer until fluffy mix in remaining ingredients put into casserole dish (spray with Pam prior) & bake at 350 degrees for approx. 30 minutes until thickens.

Remove from oven & add your toppings.



Topping:

1 - cup brown sugar

1 - cup chopped pecans (I like to keep some of the pecan whole)

1/3 - cup melted margarine

1/3 - cup flour


Blend these ingredients well & spread evenly on top of casserole & bake another 30 - 45 minutes to form a crusty top.

Test by inserting knife, if knife comes out clean the casserole is done.

11 Years Ago (on November 17th)

I was 26. I was expecting my 2nd child. I was miserable. I don't speak of that year too often. My grandpa died in January, I was due in November. It was the blessing the family needed. Everyone was distraught. Especially my father. He blames himself for my grandpa dying. No way for him to know, or have helped. Well I don't think so. I had wanted another child. Wanted a girl, a pretty princess to dress up. This is the part I never mention. I didn't intend to get pregnant, but after all we had been married 6 years. I had mixed feelings when I found out. I was happy but I knew he would make me feel like crap. And when I told him, he cried. And they weren't happy tears. He made me fell like shit. He started treating me worse. I didn't want to tell anyone I was even having a baby. I feared he wanted me to give it away or have an abortion. That was how he treated me anyway. For nearly 9 months I felt resentment. I didn't even share with friends I was expecting, for months, or until I was showing. Even my boss I didn't tell for a good couple months. I think I was depressed. Is there a pre-pardum depression? I can't even remember all the things he said to me. They were awful. He never went to one appointment, or ultrasound. Never asked how I was. Never anything. Why did I put up with that?

She was born November 17, 1999 at 3:30 pm. 7.2 lbs. The smallest of all my babies. She was pink and beautiful. I swore to her I was never doing that again, that painful labor thing. (I was wrong however.) We spent the rest of the day bonding and the next day as well. The nurses thought it was odd because by noon they told me I could leave. I told them my spouse was at work and couldn't (didn't want to) leave to come get me. (Found out later he could have.) But I waited patently. It all seems like a blur but not one that long ago. It makes me sad that time flies so fast.

Now she is a smart beautiful young lady. She's kind and giving. She is like me but she is not like me either. I have tried her whole life to correct one flaw of mine I didn't want her to inherit. I have made her self confident. I have given her the strength to stand up for herself and not just do what she thinks other people want. She shows this strength and if there was one thing I gave her that I am most proud of, its living in a positive environment where someone isn't putting you down and making you feel like crap because there life isn't going how they want. She is the best daughter a mom could ever hope for. I am so very proud of her. Happy 11th birthday Kaitlyn Cecilia.

It's WAY too early...

My oldest is taking his PSATs today. 7:30 sharp on a Saturday morning. Its a reality check for me because he will be heading off to college soon. Makes me very sad but my hopes is that I have raised him to be a good guy and respectful. We had a college chat and I told him to think seriously before deciding on a college. He has his heart set on moving in with his dad on the other side of the state. This is great but the one thing I worry about is his dad sabotaging his education. His dad already told me that he didn't think parents should pay for college for their kids, or be responsible for it. This makes me worry that he will not only NOT pay for college but also charge him some kind of rent for living there. Which is funny because I know his parents paid for him to go to college and never charge him any rent. Even when he was 22 his mom offered to pay for his college if he went back to finish his AA degree. So I don't know where his ideas come from. I don't even want to bring it up with him because it will be a fight. I must let our son approach him.

I did prepare Taylor for the possibility that he would receive more financial grants living with me, as my income (at least currently) is much lower than his dad's. I don't think it will make a difference. I also told him to go to college for what makes him happy...not just to get any piece of paper. He should know this now instead of when hes old like me.

As a mom I have so many different worries for my kids. It is such a wide spectrum of worry based on their ages. Taylor approaching college, Kaitlyn approaching her teen years, Graydon approaching potty training. I am always taking care of everyone, sometimes I forget myself. I don't think anyone notices, so its not a big deal. So much on my plate. So many worries about how to be so many different places at the same time. School is so overwhelming. I hear people talk about how busy they are and laugh to myself at their slightly few things on the list. They have no idea. I used to think I was busy. Then I had another kid, and started college. We really need to get another car, but not sure how we will afford the extra insurance on the 2 potential drivers. Things are tight as it is.

I sometimes get down because I don't think I am doing a good job. Well more than sometimes... I also feel like I have abandoned my friends because life is so busy and none of them want much to do with me anymore. My dad likes to put me down which is fine, I am used to that. My life is crap because I don't own my own home. WTFE. I am happier than I have been in years but I would be even happier if I had more time to enjoy it. I don't talk to my other family much, except my mom. I used to be close to everyone but we have all drifted with age and families of our own. I think of emailing my cousin but then I think they probably don't really want to hear from me. I hate facebook anymore. No one comments, no one cares, why do they even have me as friends? I worry about my mom. She is not at all healthy. She hides what is truly wrong with her. She pops her heart pills like pez. She cannot walk across a street without being totally winded. Listen kids, this is what smoking does to you...even if you quit 20 years ago. It slowly kills you. And your family has to watch it happen. It makes me cry. My mom has always been there for me and I can never repay her for everything, especially the times she stuck up for me when my dad is being a jerk. I love my dad and he will always help me when I need it but he has never been a nice person. There is always a catch, usually to be subjected to emotional or verbal assaults. But hes a nice guy...lol. Makes me wonder how I ended up (finally) with a great guy. I broke the cycle. I can accept my dad because hes my dad, and I know that he is that way for a reason. I think it made me realize that I don't want that in my own relationships, thankfully I found that. I appreciate my life and am so grateful I have great kids and a great guy. Somehow I must find a way to make friends with others again. *now accepting applications* Users and abusers need not apply. (I do have a few really good friends that I know are there for me and we accept that life is busy to be joined at the hip.) Thanks guys!

So its been a day...

I typed a big blog about how overwhelmed I am and how I can't take much more and the damn browser backspaced and deleted it. F&#K!This is dumb. I get up early to make sure everyone else gets up and off to school, then I go to work where I run non stop doing more than possible in 6 hours. Then hurry home to do my own online class and assignments, study, take tests, do projects. Make dinner, clean up, pick up toys, do laundry...and so on. I am just overwhelmed. Is this how life should be?

Not feeling very important and feeling very stressed and overwhelmed. Will things get better? Not this month...

At least I am not bored?

I haven't blogged in a very long time. Unfortunately no time means no blog. Everything is about the same with me. I think of things all the time I would love to write about but I run out of time each day. Today's blog is inspired by my good friend Sam. She started a blog and I wanted to give her a shout out. Find her on my list of blogs I follow or here http://bewitchin-samantha.blogspot.com/. She is super cool!

Things that remain the same...G still has a few issues but is in a great school helping him along. I must remember how to post pictures direct from my phone. Everyone else is great for the most part. I am so busy with school that I have little time to spend online (when not doing assignments).

Off for now...will try and remember to blog soon.

Many changes, but everything is the same...

I was reading my blogs from last year. Wow has it been that long since MJ died?

Graydon had the procedure and we are maintaining his constipation problem with medication. So far hes not gotten as bad as he was the first 2 years of his life. Hes not potty trained yet. Everyone told us to hold off. He has had many more tests, an MRI, blood work and even had a genetic specialist. Think Dr. House but for genetics. No answers still. Some "maybe its this or that" but since there is nothing definitive I am not even going to google the maybes. I will just become more neurotic than I already am. And let me tell you, no one in my house wants that!

I still worry about this little man every day. He started daycare this year because we had no other options. The first week he got sick, and hes been sick with ear infections 7 times since. He still has fluid in his ears that cause him pain at least every other day. Well enough pain that he cries and complains. It is really his only complaint he ever has. Good news is we have a great doctor and hospital that agree he needs tubes. Bad news is that they are booked till July so we are having to wait it out till then. He may need some other things done but they will check then. Crossing fingers it all goes ok.

The daycare he is going to was mostly wonderful for my daughter. Its not been so good for Graydon. He keeps getting in trouble, he mimicks the bad kids. He doesn't have tantrums but gets excited very easily. I think the teachers dislike him because they don't understand him. Maybe its because I got another teacher in trouble a couple years ago for doing something bad to my daughters class? I don't know. The teachers have been pushing for us to move him from the first 2 weeks. Instead of making an effort to acquaint G to a daycare setting they expect him to conform to rules hes never had. Like sitting quietly in a circle without moving. The other children, well a couple of them, are unruly and bullying. They even had a state worker come in and asses it. The teachers tried to tell me that its Graydon. The state worker who I requested to speak with said that its too chaotic for Graydon and he doesn't get the attention that he needs. Talking to her made me feel much better. I know my kid is a wonderful caring child. He randomly hugs kids he meets. He hugged 4 today at Target. I wish the rest of the world was just as friendly. He brings smiles to everyone he meets. Well except the 2 teachers at the daycare too busy to notice him standing in a toilet.

The other good news is that he passed his latest speech assessments. He only has a mild delay according to 2 independent tests done just a few weeks apart. He still needs help though. Its obvious hes a little behind but they said its not an extreme concern. Well maybe for the ones doing the testing. I do worry about what will happen when he goes to kindergarten.

Eating issues...always a struggle. He still has a lot of things he won't eat. We focus on what he does it and keep those handy. Still no real fruits or veggies. Gerber meat sticks are great, they make one with carrots. I really need to learn to cook. Or be more creative at it. Maybe I can start hiding veggies better. So far he finds them or just refuses things I have hidden veggies in. It's like he knows. So confusing. Hes above zero percentile at least and maybe up to 8%. This is wonderful as long as he keeps going. I heard a pod cast on The Parent Experiment the other day. They talked about coconut oil being a miracle food. I plan to get some and give it to Graydon. Maybe even the milk. Can't hurt right? Dad may think I am nuts but I am willing to try it. Will report back later!

Special Needs?

I really really loathe this term. Special needs is the same as saying somehow your kid has defects. I do not think my kid is defective, anymore than my other kids have defects. Their defects happen to be different...like they are defective at cleaning their rooms when I ask them. All kids have a special need, the special need to be loved. So if one child has special needs does that mean my other kids needs are not so special? So my kid doesn't eat right, gain weight and gets constipated without medicine daily. He wears plastic braces on his ankles to help strengthen his legs. He can't jump up and down, strangers can't understand anything he says. But this is just him. Hes not bound to a wheel chair or have tubes running in and out. I know there are kids out there with needs far more specialized than my own child. This I guess is why I hate the term. I know people with kids with debilitating diseases that will not be getting better. People that have to take kids to the hospital weekly for more than just ear infections. I just don't feel normal functioning kids are any more special than normal kids without behavior, speech and learning delays. Maybe it makes them unique from their peers but my gifted, learning excelled child is just as special as my delayed speech, milestone and learning child. Her needs are just as special as his. Just sayin...