A gift...Merry Christmas

Now that school is done for a month I plan to do some cooking/baking. When I was in Atlanta in August we went to a restaurant that was awesome. They had real southern food to die for, or to die from if you eat too much. They had this pudding like substance and to my surprise it was Sweet Potatoes. One of our dealers said its a staple come Christmas time and later emailed me his recipe. So I am going to share it for all those brave enough to try. Honestly I have never bought a sweet potato in my entire life so this will be an experience for me as well. (If I am brave enough to try it) Please let me know how it works for you if you do try it and if you make it already any advice would be awesome. Here you go...

3 - cups mashed sweet potatoes

1/2 - cup sugar

1/2 - teaspoon salt

2 - beaten eggs

1/2 - stick margarine

1/2 - cup milk (evaporated makes a richer taste)

1 - teaspoon vanilla

4 - large sweet potatoes cooked measures out to be approx. 3 cups of mashed potatoes.

Whip cooked sweet potatoes with electric mixer until fluffy mix in remaining ingredients put into casserole dish (spray with Pam prior) & bake at 350 degrees for approx. 30 minutes until thickens.

Remove from oven & add your toppings.



Topping:

1 - cup brown sugar

1 - cup chopped pecans (I like to keep some of the pecan whole)

1/3 - cup melted margarine

1/3 - cup flour


Blend these ingredients well & spread evenly on top of casserole & bake another 30 - 45 minutes to form a crusty top.

Test by inserting knife, if knife comes out clean the casserole is done.

11 Years Ago (on November 17th)

I was 26. I was expecting my 2nd child. I was miserable. I don't speak of that year too often. My grandpa died in January, I was due in November. It was the blessing the family needed. Everyone was distraught. Especially my father. He blames himself for my grandpa dying. No way for him to know, or have helped. Well I don't think so. I had wanted another child. Wanted a girl, a pretty princess to dress up. This is the part I never mention. I didn't intend to get pregnant, but after all we had been married 6 years. I had mixed feelings when I found out. I was happy but I knew he would make me feel like crap. And when I told him, he cried. And they weren't happy tears. He made me fell like shit. He started treating me worse. I didn't want to tell anyone I was even having a baby. I feared he wanted me to give it away or have an abortion. That was how he treated me anyway. For nearly 9 months I felt resentment. I didn't even share with friends I was expecting, for months, or until I was showing. Even my boss I didn't tell for a good couple months. I think I was depressed. Is there a pre-pardum depression? I can't even remember all the things he said to me. They were awful. He never went to one appointment, or ultrasound. Never asked how I was. Never anything. Why did I put up with that?

She was born November 17, 1999 at 3:30 pm. 7.2 lbs. The smallest of all my babies. She was pink and beautiful. I swore to her I was never doing that again, that painful labor thing. (I was wrong however.) We spent the rest of the day bonding and the next day as well. The nurses thought it was odd because by noon they told me I could leave. I told them my spouse was at work and couldn't (didn't want to) leave to come get me. (Found out later he could have.) But I waited patently. It all seems like a blur but not one that long ago. It makes me sad that time flies so fast.

Now she is a smart beautiful young lady. She's kind and giving. She is like me but she is not like me either. I have tried her whole life to correct one flaw of mine I didn't want her to inherit. I have made her self confident. I have given her the strength to stand up for herself and not just do what she thinks other people want. She shows this strength and if there was one thing I gave her that I am most proud of, its living in a positive environment where someone isn't putting you down and making you feel like crap because there life isn't going how they want. She is the best daughter a mom could ever hope for. I am so very proud of her. Happy 11th birthday Kaitlyn Cecilia.

It's WAY too early...

My oldest is taking his PSATs today. 7:30 sharp on a Saturday morning. Its a reality check for me because he will be heading off to college soon. Makes me very sad but my hopes is that I have raised him to be a good guy and respectful. We had a college chat and I told him to think seriously before deciding on a college. He has his heart set on moving in with his dad on the other side of the state. This is great but the one thing I worry about is his dad sabotaging his education. His dad already told me that he didn't think parents should pay for college for their kids, or be responsible for it. This makes me worry that he will not only NOT pay for college but also charge him some kind of rent for living there. Which is funny because I know his parents paid for him to go to college and never charge him any rent. Even when he was 22 his mom offered to pay for his college if he went back to finish his AA degree. So I don't know where his ideas come from. I don't even want to bring it up with him because it will be a fight. I must let our son approach him.

I did prepare Taylor for the possibility that he would receive more financial grants living with me, as my income (at least currently) is much lower than his dad's. I don't think it will make a difference. I also told him to go to college for what makes him happy...not just to get any piece of paper. He should know this now instead of when hes old like me.

As a mom I have so many different worries for my kids. It is such a wide spectrum of worry based on their ages. Taylor approaching college, Kaitlyn approaching her teen years, Graydon approaching potty training. I am always taking care of everyone, sometimes I forget myself. I don't think anyone notices, so its not a big deal. So much on my plate. So many worries about how to be so many different places at the same time. School is so overwhelming. I hear people talk about how busy they are and laugh to myself at their slightly few things on the list. They have no idea. I used to think I was busy. Then I had another kid, and started college. We really need to get another car, but not sure how we will afford the extra insurance on the 2 potential drivers. Things are tight as it is.

I sometimes get down because I don't think I am doing a good job. Well more than sometimes... I also feel like I have abandoned my friends because life is so busy and none of them want much to do with me anymore. My dad likes to put me down which is fine, I am used to that. My life is crap because I don't own my own home. WTFE. I am happier than I have been in years but I would be even happier if I had more time to enjoy it. I don't talk to my other family much, except my mom. I used to be close to everyone but we have all drifted with age and families of our own. I think of emailing my cousin but then I think they probably don't really want to hear from me. I hate facebook anymore. No one comments, no one cares, why do they even have me as friends? I worry about my mom. She is not at all healthy. She hides what is truly wrong with her. She pops her heart pills like pez. She cannot walk across a street without being totally winded. Listen kids, this is what smoking does to you...even if you quit 20 years ago. It slowly kills you. And your family has to watch it happen. It makes me cry. My mom has always been there for me and I can never repay her for everything, especially the times she stuck up for me when my dad is being a jerk. I love my dad and he will always help me when I need it but he has never been a nice person. There is always a catch, usually to be subjected to emotional or verbal assaults. But hes a nice guy...lol. Makes me wonder how I ended up (finally) with a great guy. I broke the cycle. I can accept my dad because hes my dad, and I know that he is that way for a reason. I think it made me realize that I don't want that in my own relationships, thankfully I found that. I appreciate my life and am so grateful I have great kids and a great guy. Somehow I must find a way to make friends with others again. *now accepting applications* Users and abusers need not apply. (I do have a few really good friends that I know are there for me and we accept that life is busy to be joined at the hip.) Thanks guys!

So its been a day...

I typed a big blog about how overwhelmed I am and how I can't take much more and the damn browser backspaced and deleted it. F&#K!This is dumb. I get up early to make sure everyone else gets up and off to school, then I go to work where I run non stop doing more than possible in 6 hours. Then hurry home to do my own online class and assignments, study, take tests, do projects. Make dinner, clean up, pick up toys, do laundry...and so on. I am just overwhelmed. Is this how life should be?

Not feeling very important and feeling very stressed and overwhelmed. Will things get better? Not this month...

At least I am not bored?

I haven't blogged in a very long time. Unfortunately no time means no blog. Everything is about the same with me. I think of things all the time I would love to write about but I run out of time each day. Today's blog is inspired by my good friend Sam. She started a blog and I wanted to give her a shout out. Find her on my list of blogs I follow or here http://bewitchin-samantha.blogspot.com/. She is super cool!

Things that remain the same...G still has a few issues but is in a great school helping him along. I must remember how to post pictures direct from my phone. Everyone else is great for the most part. I am so busy with school that I have little time to spend online (when not doing assignments).

Off for now...will try and remember to blog soon.

Many changes, but everything is the same...

I was reading my blogs from last year. Wow has it been that long since MJ died?

Graydon had the procedure and we are maintaining his constipation problem with medication. So far hes not gotten as bad as he was the first 2 years of his life. Hes not potty trained yet. Everyone told us to hold off. He has had many more tests, an MRI, blood work and even had a genetic specialist. Think Dr. House but for genetics. No answers still. Some "maybe its this or that" but since there is nothing definitive I am not even going to google the maybes. I will just become more neurotic than I already am. And let me tell you, no one in my house wants that!

I still worry about this little man every day. He started daycare this year because we had no other options. The first week he got sick, and hes been sick with ear infections 7 times since. He still has fluid in his ears that cause him pain at least every other day. Well enough pain that he cries and complains. It is really his only complaint he ever has. Good news is we have a great doctor and hospital that agree he needs tubes. Bad news is that they are booked till July so we are having to wait it out till then. He may need some other things done but they will check then. Crossing fingers it all goes ok.

The daycare he is going to was mostly wonderful for my daughter. Its not been so good for Graydon. He keeps getting in trouble, he mimicks the bad kids. He doesn't have tantrums but gets excited very easily. I think the teachers dislike him because they don't understand him. Maybe its because I got another teacher in trouble a couple years ago for doing something bad to my daughters class? I don't know. The teachers have been pushing for us to move him from the first 2 weeks. Instead of making an effort to acquaint G to a daycare setting they expect him to conform to rules hes never had. Like sitting quietly in a circle without moving. The other children, well a couple of them, are unruly and bullying. They even had a state worker come in and asses it. The teachers tried to tell me that its Graydon. The state worker who I requested to speak with said that its too chaotic for Graydon and he doesn't get the attention that he needs. Talking to her made me feel much better. I know my kid is a wonderful caring child. He randomly hugs kids he meets. He hugged 4 today at Target. I wish the rest of the world was just as friendly. He brings smiles to everyone he meets. Well except the 2 teachers at the daycare too busy to notice him standing in a toilet.

The other good news is that he passed his latest speech assessments. He only has a mild delay according to 2 independent tests done just a few weeks apart. He still needs help though. Its obvious hes a little behind but they said its not an extreme concern. Well maybe for the ones doing the testing. I do worry about what will happen when he goes to kindergarten.

Eating issues...always a struggle. He still has a lot of things he won't eat. We focus on what he does it and keep those handy. Still no real fruits or veggies. Gerber meat sticks are great, they make one with carrots. I really need to learn to cook. Or be more creative at it. Maybe I can start hiding veggies better. So far he finds them or just refuses things I have hidden veggies in. It's like he knows. So confusing. Hes above zero percentile at least and maybe up to 8%. This is wonderful as long as he keeps going. I heard a pod cast on The Parent Experiment the other day. They talked about coconut oil being a miracle food. I plan to get some and give it to Graydon. Maybe even the milk. Can't hurt right? Dad may think I am nuts but I am willing to try it. Will report back later!

Special Needs?

I really really loathe this term. Special needs is the same as saying somehow your kid has defects. I do not think my kid is defective, anymore than my other kids have defects. Their defects happen to be different...like they are defective at cleaning their rooms when I ask them. All kids have a special need, the special need to be loved. So if one child has special needs does that mean my other kids needs are not so special? So my kid doesn't eat right, gain weight and gets constipated without medicine daily. He wears plastic braces on his ankles to help strengthen his legs. He can't jump up and down, strangers can't understand anything he says. But this is just him. Hes not bound to a wheel chair or have tubes running in and out. I know there are kids out there with needs far more specialized than my own child. This I guess is why I hate the term. I know people with kids with debilitating diseases that will not be getting better. People that have to take kids to the hospital weekly for more than just ear infections. I just don't feel normal functioning kids are any more special than normal kids without behavior, speech and learning delays. Maybe it makes them unique from their peers but my gifted, learning excelled child is just as special as my delayed speech, milestone and learning child. Her needs are just as special as his. Just sayin...

My daughter's story....

My daughter is a brave little girl. Shes so much stronger than she lets on. She doesn't remember when her dad and I were married like her brother does. Though his memories aren't the best because he mostly remembers fighting and still to this day clams up when anything confrontational happens between his dad and I. Their father angers me. Hes a manipulative, selfish man. I knew he would be married shortly after out divorce...which he was. He needs someone to take care of him. Sadly he found the opposite. I am sure his wife is a nice lady with many issues. Just more than a year ago I discovered something horrible had happened while they were visiting...which is only a few times a year, thankfully. I knew things had become very strange in their fathers household. There were werid things going on, like stepmom being sent away to some mental facility for emotional distress. Her loss of custody of her own kid. When I asked I was told not to worry but her ex husband was just a jerk. Um ok...cause that usually is a good enough reason to lose your child. Anyway an evening discussion about why my daughter was freaking out because we were having a summer evening cocktail on a warm night turned into a deep discussion of an instance that happened a year or so prior. I am still not sure of the date...

My daughter had freaked out a couple times when we had alcohol. Now we are not very big drinkers, maybe once or twice a month at most. Usually more in the summer when its hot out. One night it really bothered her and since this was becoming more of a thing with her I sat her down and explained that we didn't have any problems and asked her if she ever thought we had done anything we shouldn't have while having a cocktail, beer or glass of wine. We never have more than a couple each and we never get drunk. We never go for a drive while drinking. We never argue or fight. Actually you couldn't be so normal or boring as we are having a drink or two.

During our conversation of why it bothered her she kept saying alcohol makes a person crazy. I agree that yes sometimes people act crazy but my worry became who she had witnessed with a problem like this as we don't really drink often enough, or have them anywhere where others are drinking till they go nuts. She said that her stepmom used to drink a lot. And would get "kooky". Then it dawned on me that the stint in the mental facility was likely rehab and not because of personal issues, well I suppose that would fall in that category.

Come to find out there was a specific instance where she became suicidal and for whatever reason decided to take her life. I don't know all of the gritty details and frankly I don't want to know. But somehow my daughter was worried about her stepmom when she wasn't home that she became focused on them finding her. Not exactly sure what led her to believe her stepmom was in danger but the girl does have my perceptive genes and likely had a feeling that wouldn't go away. This has happened to me a lot. I feel bad I didn't sense it at the time as well. They ended up finding her stepmom in a park, passed out from booze and sleeping pills. I guess it was bad enough that the paramedics barely saved her. So my poor daughter although stricken with this experience has now saved a life. And they keep reminding her...or she keeps reminding herself when she is with them. My daughter is the best, I do agree. But somehow this haunts her. I see it in her eyes. She brings it up to me and cries as if she feels guilt. She shouldn't feel guilt, she should feel it was a gift. I don't understand it. Though I feel anger towards the adults in the situation. Mostly their dad. I can almost understand having to drink and probably would if I were still married to him. But he told them they must never tell me. Because if I knew then they could never see their dad again. Really? He made that choice...the choice to guilt them into lying to me for more than a year. I could tell my son was carrying a burden but didn't push him, until my daughter slipped that night when she freaked out about our summer cocktails. Then they both cried and told me what happened. It's probably a good thing he lives more than 4 hours away because I would have drove to his house to yell at him. How dare he make them feel bad about telling me something. Then his wife had the nerve to call me when I made a facebook post about my ex's crazy drama and not wanting any part of it...she thought I was insulting them till she got an earful of yeah I know what happened and I hate you all for hurting my kids and subjecting them to this horrible situation and making it worse by forcing them to lie and keep this from me. Then I pretty much said I was no longer pushing for his visits. If he wants a visit he needs to ok it and plan it. Any trust I had in him is gone. So now when they visit and after they come home I resist asking what happened but instead try and be positive. The urge to straight up ask is difficult but I told the kids I trust them to tell me anything in the future. But when my daughter is moody and unhappy when she gets home, it makes me worry and wonder if anything happened. I just remind her she can tell me anything, I wont keep them from their dad. I just want to keep them safe.

My son, God bless him, did make a decision. After the rehab stint she fell off the wagon again I guess and ended up in jail. Again not knowing a bunch of details... I guess my son told his dad that if his stepmom ever drank again in his presence he would never ever come visit again. I am very proud of him. And no as much as it sounds like I put him up to that I didn't. He also said that his dad should have got divorced long ago...or he would have if he were his dad. Honestly misery loves company and maybe they work dysfunctionally well together. I don't care what they do as long as my kids are not involved. Maybe I am paranoid when they visit, but I think I have a right to be. No matter what they are my kids, I have raised them and I have to fix his mistakes.

Awhile back I called to get them into counseling because of the suicide attempt and their witnessing of it. I was told that I have to have permission from their father even though he doesn't have custody. How f'd up is that? I really think my daughter needs it. Maybe it will help to talk things out with someone. I need one that will do it without her dads permission because he doesn't believe in it. After all a couple months after cheating on me he quit marriage counseling and told me to "just get over it already". I decided that I didn't want to and I would rather get a divorce. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, well shame on me again...third time means I am done with you because I no longer trust you and you won't be hurting me again. I am sure hes told a bunch of lies about that too...eh not my problem because *I* know the truth. Actually I am glad. I learned a great lesson and I am in such a much better place now. Relationships do not have to hurt you. I am in the best one ever and we never argue or fight and we love spending time together. Yes it is possible.

I just want my daughter to feel guilt free. I do hope it hasn't screwed her up. Had I known about it when it happened I could have asked for intervention and counseling for them both. Now that its been several years, I think who knows if they have forgot it mostly or not. I wish I had the magic pen that the MIB did to erase memories. Maybe it will help them later in life? I certainly hope there was a reason for this for them to learn from.

Failing...

Well not in my class, yet. I just might if I can't finish my work though. Graydon had never been to preschool, daycare or anything like it until February this year. I figured he would do well playing with his "fwends" and he did at first. But I think hes lost, too many kids. Even though its just 4-5 hours spent there. He started acting out and throwing things, or at least them mentioned it. I blew it off because hes not normally like that. I figured he was copying other kids. Graydon is very much into copying others. He is behind on his development in speech and motor skills but they have always said his cognitive level is on time. He thinks, figures things out, just cant communicate it with people who are not used to how he speaks.

So now hes is throwing things, just at daycare, on a consistent basis. Not sure what to do because hes not at all like this at home or anywhere else we go for that matter. He usually is trying to hug and kiss the girls he meets at appointments or in random public settings. Its so frustrating because the daycare had stripped him of his comfort items. The wouldnt allow him his blakey and binkie. Though I brought them daily in his bag. They finally relented on the blankey but only for nap time. What do I do? I have never had a problem with this. I would really love the feedback from others if possible. I plan to talk to his speech therapist today and her supervisor to see what they think. Help! I feel like I am failing as a mom.

Overwhelmed...again

The new quarter started Monday and I am already stressing over how I will get my homework done. Judicial law, partnerships, and those are separate classes. I am worried about how I will get things done, if we will be ok financially with me only working part time. I have been looking for work on the side but there really isn't much out there. Luckily we have little debt but I was hoping to get a newer car this spring, now that may be on hold...I also wanted us to take a vacation but that may be on hold too, unless I can come up with a really inexpensive way to vacation. Maybe a trip to the beach with the kids...but then there is the car issue and I hate to put more miles on my already worn out car. Ford's can have over 200,000 miles on them believe it or not. Just not sure how much past 200k it will go! I guess as long as the kids are fed and the bills are paid we shouldn't worry. My poor man is stuck traveling all over the county at work. He is such a trooper. Many appointments coming up the next couple months too. So if I did find a full time gig, and tried to fit in my classes, not sure how that would fall into place. I am thinking ebay? I have stuff, lots of stuff...maybe stuff that is worth some stuff? But again time? Time to fit in the listing and shipping and all that jazz. A few bucks? Might be worth a shot. (Almost typed shit) must mean I am tired. Could be the cough medicine. Did I mention that G and I have been sick since he started daycare on Feb 1? Well maybe we really got sick Feb 3. But yes both coughing, hacking, and with ear infections. His wont go away and now we will be adding ENT to his list of doctors he has seen. Ah well...just glad we have good doctors to go to.

Not sure what else to type. Life is hectic and busy and overwhelming but its better than the alternative right?

Graydon at 2 yrs 4 mos Drumming

Look out Metallica, Lars might need to be replaced!

I noticed I hadn't posted any of G's vids on here, or at least I cannot find them.

There are more on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/user/leesuhjo
and
http://www.youtube.com/user/ProdDeity

Wow...I am Amazed!

Thanks to Teresa Strasser I have a ton of extra traffic! Please feel free to leave me a comment or message. Always looking to connect with other people. Also, check out my best friend from childhood's blog she contributes too. http://anonymousbloggers.wordpress.com/

Interesting reading of the struggles of Alaskans.

Thank you for checking out my little blog!

Much love,
lisa

Like Watching a Train Wreck...

I noticed watching people that are miserable with their lives tends to make you appreciate yours more. To be that unhappy all the time, its almost like watching a train wreck or reality TV.

I listen to podcasts to get through my week of silence at work. I love that our office is quiet and there is no drama and everyone likes each other but when Adam Carolla went off the air, I am so thankful for his podcasts. There is a new one in which his wife Lynette and Teresa Strasser do a mommycast called the parent experiment. (Download here) These chicks rock! These women make me seem like I am sitting there with them. And I love that they never judge choices of others. I may have a few more mommy years on them and sometimes I would like to just say, Nah don't worry or stress about "fill in the blank". When your kid is 16 like mine, him and his friends do not talk about who was breast fed and who wasn't. So it may seem that it matters when they are under 5, pretty soon the last thing they want to know about is whether they drank from their moms tata. This is a subject I don't buy into so much. I know its great to BF and all the benefits BUT I hate they make moms that don't feel like the equivalent to Cortney Love. I had issues with said son trying to breast feed. I was 20 and everyone kept forcing me to "try". All I did was cry for 2 days. It was horrible. I hurt, I had no help. When my son spit up blood from my nipples I was done. He was colicky while being breast fed so there was no way he wasn't going to be colicky either way. This experience led me to just say no to the boob. When my daughter was born (she was born with hickeys and water blisters on her wrists from sucking herself) I had developed the strength enough in my mothering to tell the forceful nurses no. My daughter has never had an ounce of boob juice. You know where she is today? Shes in a highly capable class in a public school learning advanced math and other subjects. Could breast milk have made her smarter? Not likely. My older kids have rarely had more than a cold or minor stomach bug. I can probably count on my hands how many times my teen has been sick throughout his life. Same with my daughter. I am blessed.

Schooling? My daughter is doing math I can barely do and shes in the 4th/5th grade. My son is taking honors classes and maybe, just maybe I can help him in his English homework but to home school these kids I would need some sort of masters degree in math and sciences. Thankfully early on I was able to admit to myself, I am a good mom but a horrible teacher. They are doing super well in the education department. I do attribute this to a good daycare that they both went to kindergarten in. This gave them both a big jump when starting first grade in public school. They both have good social skills, they care about their family and friends. I would include my little one in this because hes also super smart for a 2 year old, but hes still learning. His milestones might be delayed but that is a muscle issue hes had since birth. And he had this before ever getting any kind of vaccine, so lets not go all Jenny McCarthy now. I do think it could be a result of some medicines given to me in PTL BUT it wasn't because of Tylenol or even vicoden. But the kid can work an iPhone better than most adults and can play the drums like no other 2 year old can! Though I would love to put my kids in a safe bubble I know I need to let them learn to express their likes and dislikes, find their own personality. Deal with mean people. We have to let go a little to let them find their way. We can do that and still protect them and discipline them. Its very hard the first time your kid comes home and says someone was mean to them. I have advice for that but I will get into that another time. Its a fine line between: bubble and individual freedom.

So as I end this I urge you all to look around you and not feel competitive to other moms, or judgmental, but instead just do what you know best to be the best mom for your family and kids. Be happy. A happy mom = happy kids and I don't need a masters degree in education to know that one!

Me? Who is that?

Its so hard to explain to people that do not have kids how as a mom you must sacrifice everything to give to others. Most of the time this does not stop with our own kids but spills out to everyone else. I always feel I must take care of everyone. Do what is best for someone else rather than take care of myself. But sometimes we need a wake up call to realize that maybe the stress of others demands takes a toll on your health.

I recently started having some minor female issues. Well, the last year. I guess there isn't anything major wrong with me...yet. But it was brought to my attention I am wavering on the borderline of diabetes. This is not a real shock to me. It runs rampant in my family. My grandfather had it, probably his parents as well. My mother has had it, as well as her siblings. My cousin has it. But I can fight it. Do I have the will and drive too? I have cut out a lot of sugar since finding this out. I think twice before having something sugary. I eat more fruit and veggies. Less carbs.

As the new year, well the last few new years, started I vowed to get healthy. I seem to always fail at this. Something more gets added to my plate. I love my family and taking care of them is my drive and focus in life. But I need to be healthy for them, so I can continue taking care of them. Of course other than a few dietary habits I haven't exercised except maybe once. I haven't been more active at all. Its very frustrating because I wear myself out and have no energy, I have no time.

Between 3 children, work, school and the man I love there isn't much daylight left to exercise. And when it looks like I might have a little time I feel guilty for not folding the laundry, or putting away dishes, or playing hot wheels with my toddler, or taking my 16 year old out to practice driving, or teaching my 10 year old daughter to sew or play a game with her. I feel like life is rushing by me and I can give them a good life or take care of me. I am not sure how to do both. Maybe people might think I am overweight because I am lazy. It's not really the case. I wish I had more time in the day, or more energy to feel motivated to get on the treadmill.

I see celebrities on TV and wherever else they are talking about how they are in the best shape ever. I really think it doesn't represent the real woman. I don't have assistants or personal trainers, or nannys. I cook dinners, help with homework, run errands, nurse kids back to health, work, take online classes so I can get a better job one day to pay for their college. I guess I am just frustrated with life and the lack of time and energy. Not anyone's fault...just my own. But I don't really regret it because I love my family more than anything. Just maybe one day I can find a way to manage time, or create an extra day in the week to do it all.

Just another day as supermom.

My Essay

Who am I? This is something I question quite often. I am Lisa J. Clark, parent, sibling, daughter, friend, employee, student, nurse, taxi, ATM, short order cook, mediator and probably a multitude of other things that could take up most of this page. To put it more simply I am just another human on this planet trying to make the right choices in life to take care of my family and keep living another day. That is the goal, correct?

I live in unincorporated King County in a home with my family. It’s not exactly the city, but according to my zip code I live in Renton. I haven’t always lived in Renton. About 6 years ago, I felt my life needed a change of direction. I needed a new path, the one I was on had come to an intersection to go right or left. I chose left, or westward and it was very empowering for me. I had never felt more in control of my own destiny than at that point in my life. I had always done what was expected of me. For once I did something for myself. I felt it was for the betterment of everyone, at least the ones I cared about. I have no regrets in my decision.

As the story goes, I grew up in a small town in the Yakima Valley. I went to school in Naches, but I lived in Gleed, a small town 7 miles east of Naches. That is where I spent my childhood and teen years. I stayed in the same area until 2003 when I packed up to move out west shortly after ending a 10-year marriage. I spend most of my time being a parent. Up until a year ago my world consisted of working full-time and raising my 3 kids with my current spouse.

February of 2008 my boss asked me to take over the bookkeeping duties in addition to marketing to help cut costs during the bad economy. He told me that he thought it was something I would be good at even though I didn’t have any real experience. Sadly, my boss suddenly died almost a year ago and the company more or less spiraled down. During the initial decline of the company and cuts in hours, I decided to take courses to learn more in the field my boss had encouraged me to try. I currently work part-time for another small company doing about the same job duties I was doing before and taking classes to get a degree in accounting. I chose GRCC based on the programs and proximity to my home. So far I enjoy my classes immensely and have learned a lot during the time I have been attending. I hope to finish and graduate by 2012, which is also the year my son will graduate from high school. I hope this helps me secure a better career that will give me the opportunity to pay for my children’s college educations. I also hope this will provide opportunities to travel and see places in the world I have only dreamed of visiting.

I have never really had the chance to develop or expand on any personal hobbies. I spend most of my time each day taking care of others and trying to get what needs to be done finished each day and I have neglected my own personal time. I have always had the attitude that as long as I am doing something to help my family, that is the only personal interest or hobby I need. It is my responsibility and duty as a parent. This is my story.