Its so hard to explain to people that do not have kids how as a mom you must sacrifice everything to give to others. Most of the time this does not stop with our own kids but spills out to everyone else. I always feel I must take care of everyone. Do what is best for someone else rather than take care of myself. But sometimes we need a wake up call to realize that maybe the stress of others demands takes a toll on your health.
I recently started having some minor female issues. Well, the last year. I guess there isn't anything major wrong with me...yet. But it was brought to my attention I am wavering on the borderline of diabetes. This is not a real shock to me. It runs rampant in my family. My grandfather had it, probably his parents as well. My mother has had it, as well as her siblings. My cousin has it. But I can fight it. Do I have the will and drive too? I have cut out a lot of sugar since finding this out. I think twice before having something sugary. I eat more fruit and veggies. Less carbs.
As the new year, well the last few new years, started I vowed to get healthy. I seem to always fail at this. Something more gets added to my plate. I love my family and taking care of them is my drive and focus in life. But I need to be healthy for them, so I can continue taking care of them. Of course other than a few dietary habits I haven't exercised except maybe once. I haven't been more active at all. Its very frustrating because I wear myself out and have no energy, I have no time.
Between 3 children, work, school and the man I love there isn't much daylight left to exercise. And when it looks like I might have a little time I feel guilty for not folding the laundry, or putting away dishes, or playing hot wheels with my toddler, or taking my 16 year old out to practice driving, or teaching my 10 year old daughter to sew or play a game with her. I feel like life is rushing by me and I can give them a good life or take care of me. I am not sure how to do both. Maybe people might think I am overweight because I am lazy. It's not really the case. I wish I had more time in the day, or more energy to feel motivated to get on the treadmill.
I see celebrities on TV and wherever else they are talking about how they are in the best shape ever. I really think it doesn't represent the real woman. I don't have assistants or personal trainers, or nannys. I cook dinners, help with homework, run errands, nurse kids back to health, work, take online classes so I can get a better job one day to pay for their college. I guess I am just frustrated with life and the lack of time and energy. Not anyone's fault...just my own. But I don't really regret it because I love my family more than anything. Just maybe one day I can find a way to manage time, or create an extra day in the week to do it all.
Just another day as supermom.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
My Essay
Who am I? This is something I question quite often. I am Lisa J. Clark, parent, sibling, daughter, friend, employee, student, nurse, taxi, ATM, short order cook, mediator and probably a multitude of other things that could take up most of this page. To put it more simply I am just another human on this planet trying to make the right choices in life to take care of my family and keep living another day. That is the goal, correct?
I live in unincorporated King County in a home with my family. It’s not exactly the city, but according to my zip code I live in Renton. I haven’t always lived in Renton. About 6 years ago, I felt my life needed a change of direction. I needed a new path, the one I was on had come to an intersection to go right or left. I chose left, or westward and it was very empowering for me. I had never felt more in control of my own destiny than at that point in my life. I had always done what was expected of me. For once I did something for myself. I felt it was for the betterment of everyone, at least the ones I cared about. I have no regrets in my decision.
As the story goes, I grew up in a small town in the Yakima Valley. I went to school in Naches, but I lived in Gleed, a small town 7 miles east of Naches. That is where I spent my childhood and teen years. I stayed in the same area until 2003 when I packed up to move out west shortly after ending a 10-year marriage. I spend most of my time being a parent. Up until a year ago my world consisted of working full-time and raising my 3 kids with my current spouse.
February of 2008 my boss asked me to take over the bookkeeping duties in addition to marketing to help cut costs during the bad economy. He told me that he thought it was something I would be good at even though I didn’t have any real experience. Sadly, my boss suddenly died almost a year ago and the company more or less spiraled down. During the initial decline of the company and cuts in hours, I decided to take courses to learn more in the field my boss had encouraged me to try. I currently work part-time for another small company doing about the same job duties I was doing before and taking classes to get a degree in accounting. I chose GRCC based on the programs and proximity to my home. So far I enjoy my classes immensely and have learned a lot during the time I have been attending. I hope to finish and graduate by 2012, which is also the year my son will graduate from high school. I hope this helps me secure a better career that will give me the opportunity to pay for my children’s college educations. I also hope this will provide opportunities to travel and see places in the world I have only dreamed of visiting.
I have never really had the chance to develop or expand on any personal hobbies. I spend most of my time each day taking care of others and trying to get what needs to be done finished each day and I have neglected my own personal time. I have always had the attitude that as long as I am doing something to help my family, that is the only personal interest or hobby I need. It is my responsibility and duty as a parent. This is my story.
I live in unincorporated King County in a home with my family. It’s not exactly the city, but according to my zip code I live in Renton. I haven’t always lived in Renton. About 6 years ago, I felt my life needed a change of direction. I needed a new path, the one I was on had come to an intersection to go right or left. I chose left, or westward and it was very empowering for me. I had never felt more in control of my own destiny than at that point in my life. I had always done what was expected of me. For once I did something for myself. I felt it was for the betterment of everyone, at least the ones I cared about. I have no regrets in my decision.
As the story goes, I grew up in a small town in the Yakima Valley. I went to school in Naches, but I lived in Gleed, a small town 7 miles east of Naches. That is where I spent my childhood and teen years. I stayed in the same area until 2003 when I packed up to move out west shortly after ending a 10-year marriage. I spend most of my time being a parent. Up until a year ago my world consisted of working full-time and raising my 3 kids with my current spouse.
February of 2008 my boss asked me to take over the bookkeeping duties in addition to marketing to help cut costs during the bad economy. He told me that he thought it was something I would be good at even though I didn’t have any real experience. Sadly, my boss suddenly died almost a year ago and the company more or less spiraled down. During the initial decline of the company and cuts in hours, I decided to take courses to learn more in the field my boss had encouraged me to try. I currently work part-time for another small company doing about the same job duties I was doing before and taking classes to get a degree in accounting. I chose GRCC based on the programs and proximity to my home. So far I enjoy my classes immensely and have learned a lot during the time I have been attending. I hope to finish and graduate by 2012, which is also the year my son will graduate from high school. I hope this helps me secure a better career that will give me the opportunity to pay for my children’s college educations. I also hope this will provide opportunities to travel and see places in the world I have only dreamed of visiting.
I have never really had the chance to develop or expand on any personal hobbies. I spend most of my time each day taking care of others and trying to get what needs to be done finished each day and I have neglected my own personal time. I have always had the attitude that as long as I am doing something to help my family, that is the only personal interest or hobby I need. It is my responsibility and duty as a parent. This is my story.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I suck...
Time passes...I forget about blogging. I have so much to say and never any time. Christmas was great. Even though the impending doom of my birthday is looming I am feeling pretty good. I am trying to get over all the reasons to hate my birthday.
1. I am getting old.
2. I never really ever had much celebration of the day. My family never made a very big deal about it and I guess I never feel its important enough for anyone to really care.
3. I am getting old.
4. Jan. 6th 1999 my grandfather died. I don't remember much but I remember that. He had a massive stroke and starved to death. Living wills are great but that part of one is horrible. The funeral director insisted the funeral be on my birthday the 11th...my family said no way (my cousin shares my birthday too) and instead had the funeral on the 12th...so really the thought was there but it doesn't make the memory go away.
5. I am getting old.
6. The last company I worked for had birthday celebrations for all of the employees. Somehow mine was forgotten every year. One year it was remembered BUT it snowed and no one came to work.
7. I am getting old.
8. I think I see wrinkles, I dye my hair before it grows out to make sure I never see gray.
9. Last year my boss died the day after my birthday. Same day that my grandpas funeral 10 years to the day...hows that for an oddity? I guess at least it wasn't "on" my birthday but well...I wish he were still alive none the less.
10. Well, I just dislike it. It reminds me that I am getting old. I really should be grateful to see another birthday. My family has made efforts the last few years to make it a nice day. I appreciate it I really do. I know it could always be worse. Maybe that is my fear, that it will be worse. I am just crossing my fingers that no one dies next month. So January, please be nice to me. I have always been fond of you.
I will try to blog about my past year later...if I remember!
1. I am getting old.
2. I never really ever had much celebration of the day. My family never made a very big deal about it and I guess I never feel its important enough for anyone to really care.
3. I am getting old.
4. Jan. 6th 1999 my grandfather died. I don't remember much but I remember that. He had a massive stroke and starved to death. Living wills are great but that part of one is horrible. The funeral director insisted the funeral be on my birthday the 11th...my family said no way (my cousin shares my birthday too) and instead had the funeral on the 12th...so really the thought was there but it doesn't make the memory go away.
5. I am getting old.
6. The last company I worked for had birthday celebrations for all of the employees. Somehow mine was forgotten every year. One year it was remembered BUT it snowed and no one came to work.
7. I am getting old.
8. I think I see wrinkles, I dye my hair before it grows out to make sure I never see gray.
9. Last year my boss died the day after my birthday. Same day that my grandpas funeral 10 years to the day...hows that for an oddity? I guess at least it wasn't "on" my birthday but well...I wish he were still alive none the less.
10. Well, I just dislike it. It reminds me that I am getting old. I really should be grateful to see another birthday. My family has made efforts the last few years to make it a nice day. I appreciate it I really do. I know it could always be worse. Maybe that is my fear, that it will be worse. I am just crossing my fingers that no one dies next month. So January, please be nice to me. I have always been fond of you.
I will try to blog about my past year later...if I remember!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Again
I always think of things to blog about but then when I sit down I forget. I think old age has hit me. Then again it could be that I try to fit a whole buffet on my saucer size plate and I just can't keep it all in my head.
I own 5 calendars. One on my desk at work, one on the computer at work, one I carry in my purse, another I carry in my bag, then another on my phone and actually 3 on the walls in the room I am sitting...wait that is 9? The one on my phone is attached to the one in my computer. I am a scheduler but not a great one.
In fact, I should be doing 2 assignments, applying for jobs because they say I have too, even though I am employed. I never hear back from any of these jobs anyway. And I suppose I do try, because I cannot do much half assed.
Time is wasting and so is the day...
I own 5 calendars. One on my desk at work, one on the computer at work, one I carry in my purse, another I carry in my bag, then another on my phone and actually 3 on the walls in the room I am sitting...wait that is 9? The one on my phone is attached to the one in my computer. I am a scheduler but not a great one.
In fact, I should be doing 2 assignments, applying for jobs because they say I have too, even though I am employed. I never hear back from any of these jobs anyway. And I suppose I do try, because I cannot do much half assed.
Time is wasting and so is the day...
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I can't believe people sometimes...
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/politics/2010058492_referendum7114m.html
This story irritates me. People playing God, thinking they should impose their beliefs on others.
Last week I kind of "got into it" with a family member over gay rights. He kept quoting the bible as the all knowing source but he had no idea what it means. He said I was not doing what God wants me to by correcting anyone's unbiblical behavior before me. Seriously? When did God make me apart of his police department? I think religion is great for those who need it. Some of us know right and wrong without having a bible hit us to correct what we may or may not do. I attribute that to my parents, not being in church every Sunday for 30 years. Maybe this is why I have denounced organized religion in my older years. I have sat in church too many times to see people act one way, only to leave and go on the next week to act a total other way. Now I am not saying everyone that goes to church is like this. You know who you are. There are some wonderful, but few, people in churches, but the majority doesn't make it worth my while to sit there. The good Christians know what I am talking about too. We all know how guilty of sin each one of us is. Why these men decide they know what is best for the rest of us, I have no idea.
In that article it says the one man was divorced twice...so he already broke his vows. Doesn't matter the reason. He broke his sacrament of marriage. Who is he to fight for or against others to have the same sacrament? Liars. As soon as the state/government started issuing marriage certificates it no longer became a church/bible/God issue. The truly religious will denounce being married by the government in that case. Or maybe the government should just change the name of marriage to partnership, for everyone. I would rather have a partnership with my husband than a marriage.
Well this is just part one because I have more to say but have ran out of time...
This story irritates me. People playing God, thinking they should impose their beliefs on others.
Last week I kind of "got into it" with a family member over gay rights. He kept quoting the bible as the all knowing source but he had no idea what it means. He said I was not doing what God wants me to by correcting anyone's unbiblical behavior before me. Seriously? When did God make me apart of his police department? I think religion is great for those who need it. Some of us know right and wrong without having a bible hit us to correct what we may or may not do. I attribute that to my parents, not being in church every Sunday for 30 years. Maybe this is why I have denounced organized religion in my older years. I have sat in church too many times to see people act one way, only to leave and go on the next week to act a total other way. Now I am not saying everyone that goes to church is like this. You know who you are. There are some wonderful, but few, people in churches, but the majority doesn't make it worth my while to sit there. The good Christians know what I am talking about too. We all know how guilty of sin each one of us is. Why these men decide they know what is best for the rest of us, I have no idea.
In that article it says the one man was divorced twice...so he already broke his vows. Doesn't matter the reason. He broke his sacrament of marriage. Who is he to fight for or against others to have the same sacrament? Liars. As soon as the state/government started issuing marriage certificates it no longer became a church/bible/God issue. The truly religious will denounce being married by the government in that case. Or maybe the government should just change the name of marriage to partnership, for everyone. I would rather have a partnership with my husband than a marriage.
Well this is just part one because I have more to say but have ran out of time...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Well well well...
I keep forgetting I have a blog. Sometimes when I am in the car or laying in bed awake, too early to get up I think about blogs I should write. Then I get up or get where I am going and forget, or just run out of time to do it. Even as I type now I have a 2 year old getting his Spongebob plate from the dishwasher and saying "Bob eat". Time to make a pancake even though its 6:29 am and hes NEVER up this early.
Now he is happy with his pancake and Bob plate. I am so happy he wants to eat I drop everything to feed him when hes hungry. Hes doing better at least from where hes been. Hes becoming more like a 2 year old and less like a one year old. Even though hes almost 2 and a half. He still has bowel issues and has to have medicine daily. They haven't wanted to figure out that problem yet and our next visit to Children's isnt for another month. Hope to push the issue more then now that his intestines are probably getting back to normal.
Kait needs to get up soon. Little miss student council has a meeting this morning. Shes quite the social child.
Taylor is quite the opposite. Hes happier being in his room or with select friends.
Their dad has given me grief lately. He thinks the world revolves around him. His dad was the same way when it came to his other kids. They should take the time to visit him or put him first. Why, when he doesn't do that for them? Hes never been a hands on dad. He expects them to be so happy to hear from him when he never takes the time to pay any attention to them. They call and he doesn't answer. I got them their own phones so he can call each of them whenever he wants. But yet he still finds ways to make it my fault. But I am used to that. I am not happy when he outright blames them. He makes me so mad at his attitude towards his kids. How can a parent be like that? I would move mountains for my children. I don't understand him. How his poor drunk wife is so much more important. He drops everything for his parents but hes never been there for his kids so they will never be the same towards him. Anyway before that makes me more angry.
School is keeping me busy, on top of everything else. Sometimes I cannot keep up. Or I feel that way. I do get overwhelmed. I wish I didn't. I wish I handled things better. I get too much into my own head and start to lose it a little. Always being on the go doesn't help. I need a vacation in my own home. Heh.
Well since I really don't have time to blog, I am taking time away from dressing and getting ready for work. The weather is turning bad, its going to be a long winter!
Now he is happy with his pancake and Bob plate. I am so happy he wants to eat I drop everything to feed him when hes hungry. Hes doing better at least from where hes been. Hes becoming more like a 2 year old and less like a one year old. Even though hes almost 2 and a half. He still has bowel issues and has to have medicine daily. They haven't wanted to figure out that problem yet and our next visit to Children's isnt for another month. Hope to push the issue more then now that his intestines are probably getting back to normal.
Kait needs to get up soon. Little miss student council has a meeting this morning. Shes quite the social child.
Taylor is quite the opposite. Hes happier being in his room or with select friends.
Their dad has given me grief lately. He thinks the world revolves around him. His dad was the same way when it came to his other kids. They should take the time to visit him or put him first. Why, when he doesn't do that for them? Hes never been a hands on dad. He expects them to be so happy to hear from him when he never takes the time to pay any attention to them. They call and he doesn't answer. I got them their own phones so he can call each of them whenever he wants. But yet he still finds ways to make it my fault. But I am used to that. I am not happy when he outright blames them. He makes me so mad at his attitude towards his kids. How can a parent be like that? I would move mountains for my children. I don't understand him. How his poor drunk wife is so much more important. He drops everything for his parents but hes never been there for his kids so they will never be the same towards him. Anyway before that makes me more angry.
School is keeping me busy, on top of everything else. Sometimes I cannot keep up. Or I feel that way. I do get overwhelmed. I wish I didn't. I wish I handled things better. I get too much into my own head and start to lose it a little. Always being on the go doesn't help. I need a vacation in my own home. Heh.
Well since I really don't have time to blog, I am taking time away from dressing and getting ready for work. The weather is turning bad, its going to be a long winter!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Quick Update
I will have to go in more detail later but he spent a day (July 9 - 10) in the hospital with a tube into his tummy getting him cleaned out finally. Now hes still on daily laxative to keep it from getting blocked again. No potty training for a long while though. Hopefully he will stay clean. Not sure when we will find out why he has this problem.
Part 2 update he had an MRI this week because his head is not growing. (along with the rest of him) Scary because they had to sedate him, put him under using the same stuff Michael Jackson used before he died. The MRI came back fine and clean. Which is really good because it rules out a whole lotta bad. Now he will go back for a follow up growth evaluation in a couple months.
Anyway between school and work I am totally swamped. Hopefully I can catch up soon!
Part 2 update he had an MRI this week because his head is not growing. (along with the rest of him) Scary because they had to sedate him, put him under using the same stuff Michael Jackson used before he died. The MRI came back fine and clean. Which is really good because it rules out a whole lotta bad. Now he will go back for a follow up growth evaluation in a couple months.
Anyway between school and work I am totally swamped. Hopefully I can catch up soon!
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